Three shades of sky
by Jennifer Jolie
Summary: Chapter Five is up. Some things aren't always as they seem. Others are exactly as they appear to be; more to everything, anything. You're just not looking at the green code hard enough. You could still find the emeralds. Co-written by Chord.
1. Prologue

~*~ Three shades of sky ~*~

The evening is clear

But the morrow draws near

In sunrise seek reason - find rhyme

The moonbeams shine strong

But would it be wrong

To question regret for all time?

_* ~ *_

_There are many words, but none are spoken by the voice I long to hear. _

_Noise by day, noise by night, but I don't complain. Silence would only allow for thought and thinking of you would be too much to bear. _

_This bunk is meant for one, was once shared by two, but now carries a soul as empty as the corridors that lie beyond the cabin's closed door. _

_Tomorrow is a new day for some but to others, the rising of a non-existent sun and the rotation of a world gone to hell is nothing more than a repetition of the previous one. _

_It might not have had to be this way. _

_By that, I don't mean all that A.I. crap. How we scorched the skies and trampled the earth. I meant that there might have been differences in our dreary universe. Something to sleep with. Something to wake up to. Something the machines didn't have, couldn't have, and couldn't take from us._

_But that moment has passed, the chance wasn't taken, and all I have left is forever to wonder if this could have been different. If right now could have been another moment in another time._

_With you.___

_* ~ *_

Would you cover deceit

Or cover defeat?

Or challenge the shadow ahead?

Through limitation

That clenching duration

They stab you till you've fallen dead

_* ~ *_

_Tank knocks on the door. It has to be Tank. It was his steady, heavy footsteps down the corridor. And only Tank walks steadily at this time of day, with the obvious exception of Morpheus. But Morpheus walks more briskly, though his footsteps echo much more. I picture him as I have seen him before – he awkwardly carries a tray of food in one hand as the other forms a fist to knock gently against the metal frame. He means well, but it might have been easier to ignore him if he didn't._

_I do so anyway._

_What does he have to offer, after all? Condolences? As if. Heartfelt sympathies? Heartfelt, no. Nothing can be heartfelt unless you've felt it yourself, firsthand. Promises that I will see this through? No, thank you. Promises are made and meant to be kept, but are broken half the time anyway. A shared moment in which we could shed tears over my loss? I don't cry._

_Or at least that's why I tell myself._

_Tracing my right sleeve with my left hand, I run my fingers through its fraying edges. I find solace in the clothes covering my back, meager though they may be._

_Why?_

_Maybe it's because they are as I am. Tattered. Worn. Tired of fighting, where assurances of victory are never granted, never promised._

_Or maybe it's because this sweater belongs to you._

_Goddammit__.___

_* ~ *_

Twisted and slain

Pleasure is pain

Let all your tension unwind

Trusting our foe

Is all that we know

We live only in our own mind

_* ~ *_

_My nights have become an eternity of restless tossing and turning._

_Dreams, haunted by memories I'd rather forget, relive the past over and over again, against my will. _

_Serenity that comes with presence by my side.__ Warmth from a smile meant for me and me alone. Comfort in an embrace that would never let go. Emotions by a touch too familiar to be ignored._

_Love when your lips meet mine._

* ~ *

_If ignorance is bliss, then bliss exists only in your mind. Everything's in the past now, and nothing I do will – can – bring the past into the present. I shouldn't try to savor the memories which slip through my fingers like fine sand. Reliving my memories won't make those memories real. The dreams will fade, in the end, and the hurt will return. Face it._

_This is real._

_Pain is real._

_* ~ *_

The evening is blue

And washed clean anew

Innocence painted cyan

Beauty and love

Reflected above

Torn apart, scarred by man

* ~ *

_Time means nothing anymore. Other than a way to separate right now from the moment still to come, time is just… 'time'. A word spoken by man._

_Perhaps in __Zion__, where to live is to hope, people still use that word. Perhaps to the freeborn children, time still holds importance. Only time will tell, after all, if they are to live through the day to fall asleep at night, only to wake up again the next morning. They will wake up and pray that they will live to wake up to another morning, despite the monotony of the world they wake up to._

_Is the war fought to free these children?_

_They didn't ask for this, after all. They were born, but they didn't choose to be born. They are scared, but they try not to be. They try to smile through the smog, the dust and the grey._

_They try to see the brighter side of life._

_And it breaks their hearts the minute they learn that there is no brighter side. The saddest thing is, though, that some of these children never had them in the first place. Hearts, that is. _

* ~ *

_There are only pipes of what used to be fountains, and barren waste where gardens used to grow. Their eyes cannot see past the ceiling of rock and clay, to the sky above their heads, scorched by clouds that block the sun._

_I remember a long time ago, before I was unplugged, I used to watch the skies from my window. Plain blue with white fluffy clouds were classical, but sometimes I would rise early to watch sunrise, a warm glow of peach and salmon pink fused together. Or I'd count the twinkling lights in the distance at night, when all the world was clad seamlessly in black. Sunsets were my favorite of all. For the dark blues came in that short space between __noon__ and eve, and I loved those the best, for their quiet serenity and understated beauty.__ As a little girl I watched in wonder as the sun seemingly flushed my bedroom in color, playing over my face. Everywhere I went the sky was ever changing, yet so similar._

_What must it be like to have never seen a sky? No stars are visible at night._

_When they witness these things, the innocence fades. The children grow up to be soldiers, and these soldiers live to die fighting a war. They'll fight, alright, but what can they possibly fight for? What is left for them? _

_I used to know the answer to that question. Once, not so long ago. For a moment that almost felt like a lifetime. And more._

_But the answer no longer exists because you don't care any more.  _

* ~ *

Empty crying

And hopeless denying -

Awaiting strangers they've met

Stumbling across

Such faith and such loss

Would it hurt me so much to forget?

* ~ *

_Is the glass half-empty, or half-full? Is the glass ever__ half empty, or half full?_

_Mine's been both, but now it runs dry. Tears won't fall to fill it again, and the void, the hole, or anything you choose to call it, grows every day. It will grow until it becomes a part of me, and then it will grow to swallow me up completely._

_It hurts, too._

_About once a day, late at night, when all has gone quiet and thoughts rush to fill the empty spaces, I wish I lived in the Matrix, where nothing matters. And that's one time too many. But it's tempting. To stay in a place where wothing is real. There is no spoon. To dream it all into oblivion…_

_There I could deny everything. _

_I could tell myself that I'm not really crying when the tears fall, say that I don't feel what I do feel. Hell, I could even say that what I'm feeling right now aren't even feelings. They're just some simulation bullshit cooked up to keep me quiet. I could deny that someone came into my life, then made me believe that my life was worth living, and then actually made my life worth living. I could deny that I ever believed in someone, so much that I ever placed my faith in anyone, so much that I crossed the bold line that marks the living from the dead. I could deny that I waited half my life for what I was bound to lose. Or I could deny that I did my best to hold on to it when I finally found it. I could deny that it was worth holding on to at all._

_But I'm not in the Matrix. And I can't deny reality, no matter how much I may want to or try to. And after living in this, this reality__ for so long, I can hardly tell if I could still hide it from myself._

_Mind over matter.___

Free your mind_…_

_But I can't deny that you meant everything to me, that you were worth the world to me. _

_Because you were.___

_You still are, really. _

_Don't you know? _

_* ~ *_

In width and in length

Lies weakness and strength

Leaving the moment in lies

No matter how fast

You fall to the past

The truth is in front of your eyes

* ~ *

_I am ready to face them. _

_Tank has gone, probably to tell Morpheus that I won't open the door. Our dear captain may break it down any minute now. Alternatively he could take Tank's advice and remove the locks from the doors, but he respects the little privacy we have_

_Of course, if I choose to linger here any longer, he may change his mind. Duty calls, and I have to go. I've sat here long enough anyway, although I suppose you don't know that I came to visit you at all. Not that you would give a shit, really. _

_And what really hurts me the most is that you used to. You used to. Unless that was all a lie, too._

_With one hand on the doorknob, I turn around for just a second. Before I know it, in that instant, I find myself believing that a moment can indeed last a lifetime._

_You look so peaceful; it's as if you were merely asleep. Your chest rises and falls and your breathing is steady. Hair has fallen into your face. How I long to brush it away. You would feel my skin against yours, asking you through a touch to open your eyes. You would wake up completely and see me watching over you. Then you would smile. You would touch me when I whispered your name…_

_But I turn the knob instead and walk out into the hallway, shutting the door quietly behind me. I guess that even if I somehow woke you, you would prove that everything that comes after that was nothing but wishes._

_Then I'd know that for the past few minutes… I've been lying to myself again._

_* ~ *_

The evening is clear

But stained of the tear

That I feel but yet still do not cry

Midnight blue shrouds

In lavender clouds

I am but three shades of sky


	2. Chapter One

Three Shades of Sky

Chapter 1

Author's notes:

**Jennifer Jolie:** Yes, Jenn is an eejit and that's why it took so long for our first chapter. Sorry, all! Yeah, so like we said, we have real plotline which we're going to bring out sooner or later. Hopefully sooner. ^^ And please, _please read and review, and try to give constructive reviews, we really could use it. Thanks! Peace to all._

**Chord: **chord sends her greetings to all readers, thanks for reading the first chapter, she hopes everyone will review etc. ^^

**Disclaimer:** Diss-the-claimer! (from Clarenova) We don't own squat, it belongs to the amazing Wachowski brothers. We do, however, own the original characters Curse and Impasse. We also own Shadow, who Jenn the eejit created before she realized that there are several Shadows in this category. Sorry! We'd just like everyone to know that we did not copy. Copying = Bad. ^^

* ~ *

Shadow. 

A somewhat odd choice for a medic's name – that was Morpheus' first thought as he watched the newest addition to the crew shake hands with Trinity. 

Or maybe that was because he had failed to notice the touch of caution that hovered behind Shadow's dark eyes as she exchanged friendly smiles with Neo. He would have seen that her name suited her a lot more than he thought had he taken the time to be more observant.

Of course, nobody blamed him. He was, after all, the captain of a ship and the title came with a certain amount of responsibilities that worried him far more than the personality of his medic. There was simply no time to sit down and play 'getting to know you' when Zion officials were constantly demanding for reports concerning the Neb's recent losses, supply shortages and the like. Aside from that, there was the pressing need to replace more than half a crew, fast, and doing so was not an easy task. Morpheus had no other choice than to leave the welcoming pleasantries, and chocolate-mints-on-the-pillow to someone else, even though he doubted that his four other companions were up to it.

As soon as he ran a mental checklist of potential hosts through his head, he found himself checking off each candidate by turn. The results pulled his mouth into a miniature imitation of a scowl. His present crew just wasn't up to giving tours at the moment.

There was Curse, the redhead with perky blue eyes and freckles that dusted her pale face, but she was not a good choice. Although her previous life as Tiffany Brown (of all cutesy names), decently experienced hacker and infamous smuggler of pirated software, made her a useful addition to the crew, the fact that she had been unplugged no more than a week ago hardly qualified her as a mentor, even though her acceptance of the Matrix and her capability to adjust to a completely alien routine in such a brief period was more than commendable. She had yet to experience the even harsher realities of life on a hovercraft and although Morpheus knew Curse would learn to deal with them in time, Shadow couldn't be shown around by a kid who still tripped over the cables that ran across the length of the deck. 

Tank was no good either. It was only too clear that he had yet to recover from Dozer's death, not to mention the deaths of his other friends… and Cypher's betrayal. Where a smile used to greet each newbie, a considerably less encouraging nod was more likely to appear. Besides, Morpheus was unsure of how the operator would react to the woman who was to take his brother's place as ship medic. 

That left Trinity and Neo but the chances of either one of them acting as a guide to a complete stranger were slim. His second-in-command and the One were still in the process of getting to know each other better and Morpheus knew that that alone was hard enough for both his children. Having a sullen newcomer tagging along behind them would only make matters worse.

He sighed.

He had accepted his position as their leader a long time ago but that didn't mean he had perfected the role of a father. Cypher's betrayal had taught him that much –  a dash of iced water in the face for him to realize that there was a lot more going on behind whatever personae his crew presented. His duties went passed making sure that those under his command were ready to enter the Matrix and fight when needed, and while caring for his crew was a necessity, he'd taken it all for granted. After all, these soldiers were his family. Looking after them was no piece of cake, but he did try. 

Yes, he did try.

Morpheus watched Shadow stand helplessly next to the monitors, unsure of what to do, as Neo followed Trinity out of the Core. The departure of both left the newcomer standing confused and sullen, not to mention alone and friendless. Tank, who under better circumstances might have taken Shadow under his wing as he had Neo, had not even showed up for her arrival. As for the other missing resistance fighter, Curse, being a surprisingly skilled mechanic, was most probably in the engine rooms or fiddling with the plumbing. 

Amidst a pair of steady breathing, Shadow was left standing next to the console with solemnity written all over her face. She fiddled with the end of her dark plait, which came past her shoulder blades. Morpheus took pity on the medic who had come to the Neb under the call of duty and not of her own free will. After taking a moment to decide as to whether or not he should just leave her to find her way to the cabins, Morpheus approached the medic, who jumped to attention at the sound of his footsteps.

He smiled. She had not known that he had been there all along. 

"Morpheus," she began, then stopped, obviously uncertain of what to say next. Judging from her thick accent and facial features, she had most likely been foreign, perhaps Russian. One of a kind, in that case.

"I'll show you to your room. You can get settled, then meet us in half an hour in the mess hall."

* ~ *

Dinner was worse than usual that evening. Tasty wheat wasn't quite so tasty.

No one had gone to check the thermostats in the ships' fridges. That had been Dozer's job and he had gone about it so efficiently that most of the crew had forgotten that it was a task that needed tending to. As a result of being exposed to room temperature, despite Neo's optimistic joke that the entire ship felt like a cold-box anyhow, the food had gone bad. 

It didn't taste like runny eggs anymore, since eggs didn't smell like last week's garbage. Besides, eggs were definitely not the thickness and color of badly mixed split-pea soup. On the brighter side, as Curse pointed out with a cheerful smile that made everyone except Trinity and Shadow smile slightly, it was now closer to snot than it had ever been.

As the entire crew looked on anxiously, or in Curse's case, queasily, Morpheus ran a scan on the slop and found it perfectly fit for human consumption. Reluctant as he was to put it in his mouth, he insisted that everyone eat it for the rest of the week until they made a new batch. It would simply not do, he argued, to waste any of it. 

"We could use it to grease the engines," quipped Curse, but she was silenced by the look on Morpheus' face.

It was certainly not a very impressionable first night for their newest recruit.

Trinity kept an eye on Shadow as the medic toyed with her spork. Morpheus had told her that Shadow had come from a ship with already three fully trained medics. Even though she seemed resigned enough to her new post, Trinity knew for a fact that it had taken rank from the other ship's captain to get Shadow to leave the Gethsemane; for all she knew, Shadow might be hiding some bitter emotions underneath the come exterior and whenever matters struck Trinity as even remotely similar to what had happened in the past, regarding weak-minded traitors, paranoia ran high. 

There was no question that Trinity did not want that part of history repeating itself. For how long she sat there, unmoving and contemplating on Shadow's odd silence, Trinity did not know. She became aware of it, however, when a voice broke her train of thought. 

It was the one voice she could never ignore, if ever she wanted to. 

"Trinity? You haven't touched your food… It isn't that bad," came a gentle chide from her left. She half turned to see Neo peering at her, doing his best to mask the concern with a forced smirk, or what passed for a smirk with him anyway. "It isn't so bad… it tastes like, like…" He let of glob of sludge ooze off his spork. "Like coleslaw."      

"Understatement of the year, Neo," called Curse from across the table. "Then again, I suppose you'd eat anything… you don't know any better."

"And I suppose you do?" Tank returned and the banter continued, softening the strained atmosphere, to Trinity's relief.

"Of course. At least I know enough not to pass this off as a gourmet meal," was Curse's smug reply. 

Tank shrugged, defeated, as Neo chuckled at his expense.

He knew, as did everyone else, that there was no way you could win a debate with Curse. In the Matrix, she had grown up on the streets and despite her appearance's similarity to a Barbie doll she was no more a plaything to be kept on a shelf than Trinity was. Not only did she know how to start and end a conversation on her terms; she never lost her temper. That trait made offending her in any way impossible, but it also made her the easiest person to work with. Patience was a highly valued trait in a world where it was needed a lot, and needless to say, Curse had it in plenty. 

The first time Tank had demonstrated how to clean the engines she had simply taken a rag and helped get rid of the grit and oil when his back was turned. Later that same evening, Trinity had caught Tank trying to wipe the grease off all her tools when he thought everyone else had gone to bed; after that encounter, it was blatantly obvious to all but the blind, that the operator had a thing for their rookie.

And a rather large one too.

"Crap or not," continued Neo when Curse's teasing had subsided, "we have to eat."

"If you call this eating."

"Slurping." He paused. "We live off what we can." He smiled wryly. "Real survivors, us."

His eyes were still fixed on the bowl before him but Trinity knew the statement had been directed at her. She fought to keep a straight face.

She knew she was disciplined enough to force the most unappetizing sludge down her throat, should the need arise, but apparently, Neo didn't know that. She bit back a smile that threatened to give her away. There were still so many things they didn't know about each other. 

He worries too much, she thought as she picked up her spork and dragged it slowly through the mush, trying to avoid the greasy layer of oil collecting on the top. Noting the way Neo relaxed next to her when the first spoonful disappeared into her mouth, her amusement increased.

As soon as Morpheus began a light conversation with Shadow and everyone's attention was captured, Trinity allowed herself to slide her free hand under the table and take hold of Neo's as a silent thank you for his concern. The touch was brief and she let go almost at once but she knew the simplicity of it all was enough to ease his unsettled mind for now.

The thought made her smile as she returned to her dinner.

* ~ *

"No!"

Neo raised an eyebrow at Curse disbelievingly, somehow finding it difficult to believe that the teenager had reacted to his suggestion so violently. Curse was mostly mild-mannered and outbursts like these just didn't suit her. 

"No?" he repeated, trying to sound as if she had a say in the entire argument. Curse shook her head, and Neo could almost see the red locks that had not grown back yet flying in every direction.

"What's wrong with the jump program, Curse?" asked Tank, already in his operator's chair. He studied the girl from over the Consoles as his fingers flew over the keyboard as if guided by an invisible force. He types like he talks, thought Neo, and he reads code like he sees things – maybe even better.

"I don't want to go back in." Curse stamped her foot on the ground, an action that caused hollow echoes to bounce up and down the Core. She looked almost sheepish as all three of them waited for the din to fade away.

It didn't seem like her personality to disagree so firmly. Neo tried a more compassionate outlook, brushing Curse's refusal to cooperate as a minor, and hopefully temporary, childish tantrum. "Curse, I know you've missed the jump quite a few times-"

"Thirteen," cut in Curse bitterly.

"Unlucky number," commented Tank. Neo shot him a dirty look before turning his full attention back to Curse. The girl had gone back to moping.

"But you got really close the last time, remember?" he recalled. Which was true. Well, the next best thing to true, anyway.

 Curse bit her lip. 

"What's the matter?" He flinched mentally at how cold his question had come out sounding.

Curse didn't reply, but the color drained out of her already pale face. When it was obvious that Curse had gone silent and would stay silent for now, Neo released an impatient sigh, trying to make it sound a touch more impatient than he really was.

Time for the hard way, thought Neo glumly.

"Tank," he said loudly, "we're going in."

Curse's eyes immediately swept around the room for someone else to turn to, but the rest of the crew were attending to different tasks at the moment. There was nobody to hide behind and as soon as she realized that, her feet began to move in the direction opposite Neo and the jack-in equipment.

Neo pretended to ignore the girl's futile attempts at escape. He knew she was disciplined enough not too stray far when she had training, so he let her pretend that she was getting away with it. As he punched the Construct's access codes, he noticed slight movement out of the corner of his eye.

It was Shadow, hanging around next to the large pipes at the far end of the deck. She was watching Curse shuffle and shift, rooted to the spot in between freedom and a training stimulation. Neo saw the corners of her mouth twitch and his finger froze in mid-click.

Shadow's action was one he knew well enough to get him sidetracked. Neo was able to return to the task at hand in a matter of seconds, but his mind was now elsewhere. To be more specific, his thoughts were flying in and out of familiar memories that had been triggered by Shadow's almost-smile.

She tries to hide her amusement, thought Neo. He threw another quick look over his shoulder but Shadow had gone, she doesn't want anyone to see through her. Afraid to let anyone in.

For an instant an image flashed through his mind. A face, framed with short, dark hair. Pale, flawless skin. Ice blue eyes, cold and determined, but softening when they met his. Searching. Knowing. Loving. Warm lips which often twitched but hardly smiled…

When he beckoned at Curse, signaling for the girl to come forward, a smile was dancing on his lips and a name was coursing through his head. Trinity…

Shadow still couldn't match up to Trinity any way possible – no one could – but she was so like her. A… shadow of Trinity. 

Come to think of it, Shadow was a bit of everyone. Neo still wasn't sure what to make of her.

 Neo led Curse over to the chair and plugged her in, taking care to do so gently, as the feeling of a long, slithery metal object piercing your skull was never a pleasant one. Tank jacked Neo in, then moved briskly over to the monitors that would show him whatever activity was going on inside. When the Jump Program was loaded, he watched as the code that was Curse gingerly walked to the edge of the building she and Neo were standing on and standing on and peered down. The earlier will to rebel had been replaced by a panicky, less defiant expression. 

Cute kid… he thought, unaware of the rather goofy grin that was plastered on his face as he proceeded to watch the training. 

"Fear of heights," rang Neo's voice. Tank listened to their conversation intently through his earpiece. "That's your problem, isn't it?" 

Curse nodded rather shakily. She gulped and quickly took a few steps back.

"Not much good telling you to free your mind, then," muttered Neo to himself, lips twisting in a wry smile as he remember the early days of his own training, crammed and bursting at the seams with his captain's favorite three word phrase, so commonly mimicked on board ship. How frustrating it had been at the time, even without a gnawing fear of heights, when he couldn't make a jump which looked so effortless and basic. 

He also sympathized with Curse. The person who had told the world to face their fears was either an idiot or a lunatic. Or both. He recalled how Curse had lived on the ground floor of her flat in her old life and her reluctance to use ladders on the Neb to fix high cables (a slightly smitten Tank somehow was always at hand). It simply wouldn't do to force her to try to jump again, especially since – much to Morpheus' chagrin – thirteen was a record on the jump. Even Mouse, a programmer at heart and more or less useless when it came to anything less, had made it on eleven.

Neo looked skyward. "Tank?"

"Operator."

"Can you load a smaller jump?"

"What?" Curse looked torn between looking delighted, looking scared of another jump and looking embarrassed. "Neo, I'm fine, you don't have to-"

"Forget it." He smiled warmly at her and Curse found it hard not to grin back. It was easy to see why Trinity had warmed to him and no one else.

"I don't think-" Tank caught himself. Browsing through the files, he caught sight of a particular diskette tucked away with all the other programs used on the Neb, lurking near the bottom, as if hidden from sight. A plain red sticker labeled it, but there were no words written on it, as disks were usually labeled on the Neb. "Yeah, we do, hang on..."

"Thanks," said Neo. Curse watched him but her fear had lessened considerably and her cheeks were turning steadily from white to a crimson red blush.

Tank reached out and slipped the diskette into the console's disk drive. He ignored Shadow's suspicious look and allowed mischief to play all over his smirk as he entered the code.

"There you go, man. Smaller jump program."

There was silence for a while.

"Tank, are you sure this is a jump simulation?" Curse blinked, her usual polite confusion returning. "It looks like someone's… bedroom."

* ~ *

Neo took in his surroundings. 

A four-poster king-sized bed swathed in a canopy of matching white lace was the main attraction in the room, especially since it took up more than half the space. The ceiling was high and gave the impression of roominess. The deep pile carpeting was rose pink, and the walls smothered in creamy velveteen wallpaper. While the entire room was no doubt very luxurious and tastefully designed, it was not a smaller jump program. Unless it involved jumping from the bed to the floor.

Morpheus had once told Neo that occasionally a crewmember of the Neb might jack into the Construct as an alternate escape plan, but this room seemed out of place with his crewmates and ex-crewmates. 

Too… romantic.

"Tank?" Neo shouted, again looking up as if Tank were perched on the ceiling. "Is this the right program?" 

Back on the Nebuchadnezzar, Tank hummed loudly (and tunelessly), drumming his fingers on the keyboard. For the sake of procedure and emergencies he'd kept his earpiece on, and if Neo kept shouting like that he was going to have a headache. He hummed louder.

"Tank!" Neo was ready to wring Tank's neck, if only he got them out of the program first. "Tank?" Suddenly he felt of surge of panic. Something could've happened to Tank… Nonetheless he did his best to keep a cool exterior, for fear of setting Curse off.

Curse peered nervously around the room. "Maybe we should get out of here?" she suggested tentatively. Curse tried the door. The knob was stuck. Neo fought to stay controlled.

Marching over to the windows, Neo threw back the heavy, lacy drapes. 

Nothing was there. Absolutely nothing. Not even more wallpaper. In place of a window there was what appeared to be a solid black screen, smooth but impenetrable. Neo recognized it as a sign of something that hadn't fully been programmed – like the door. That meant that if something had happened to Tank – which he feared had – they were as good as permanently trapped in the program. 

Fighting the urge to pound on the door, yelling, Neo tried the other window, expecting another false wall. This time, there was actually a frame in, but there was nothing beyond the cold glass. Neo swallowed hard. It was as if the sky had been squeezed together. While the rest of the room was very realistic – evidently by a very skilled programmer with an eye for detail – the absence of a sky hit Neo hard, even though the only other mistake he could see was that the room was illuminated but no lights were present.

He was just about to release a yell when a quiet whimper from behind caught his attention. Neo whirled around and the sight before him halted his frantic search for escape.

Curse was huddled in the middle of the room, on the floor. Her knees were brought right up to her chest, with both arms around them. She watched him from her spot, eyes wide with fear, and her entire hunched-up self was shaking. And it hit him.

"You're not just scared of heights, are you?" he asked.

Curse nodded and looked around frantically. Neo watched her eyes flick from window to door and back at him, "I have claustrophobia. It isn't so much of a problem on the ship because I can move around… but haven't you noticed that…"

"You always take midnight watch shifts," finished Neo as Curse confirmed it by closing her eyes. Neo couldn't tell if it was from fear of from humiliation as yet another of her weaknesses was revealed.

Curse had indeed been very willing to spend her nights alone in the Core ever since she'd been unplugged. Each crewmate had their own theory as to why the girl chose this job, the task that was considered by everyone else as a nuisance. After all, it took hours away from the nights, depriving them of the much-needed sleep.

Morpheus, being the logical father of the crew, insisted that Curse must have insomnia. It seemed likely that a restless teenager still adjusting to her new life would find it hard to relax at night on an uncomfortable bunk. He thought she would rather be helpful in the Core instead of passing time awake and useless in her cabin. 

Trinity had a sneaking suspicion that Curse missed the Matrix more than she let on. Although she never acted on her suspicion, Neo knew for a fact that Trinity lay awake on some nights when Curse was alone and on duty, listening for any sound that was out of the ordinary. Trinity obviously thought that watching people in the Matrix was a small consolation to the girl.

Tank, on the other hand, wondered if Curse was particularly interested in his job as operator. The thought that there was a possibility he and the girl both liked dealing with keyboards and monitors thrilled him. It was (again) also quite obvious that Tank had a tendency to jump on any common interest he and Curse shared.

But now Neo knew why Curse was so ready to spend her nights in the Core. It was easily the widest and most spacious deck in the Neb because it housed most of the necessary equipment needed to hack into the Matrix. He felt a twinge of sympathy for Curse, knowing that anywhere else on board the Neb must feel like a cage to her – with four solid metal walls on every side. And to think that she had never complained, not even once.

He stepped closer to her and patted her gently on the shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry. Everyone's scared of something. We'll get out of here," he said, trying his best to sound convincing.

"My fear of height and small spaces… that wouldn't ruin my chances of fighting for the resistance will it?" she asked him, almost pleadingly. "I… I really want to help… I mean, I can do other things, like programming and…" She trailed off there.

Neo felt terrible. It was only her first active week and she thought she was useless. He tried to smile reassuringly at her and offered his hand. Curse took it and Neo pulled her to her feet, saying, "There will be some difficulties but I'm sure it wouldn't be too big a problem." 

"Thank you. I think I'd better just sit down for awhile," Curse whispered. She then released his hand and made her way to the bed. Her walk was unsteady and her hands were still shaking by the time she collapsed on the four-poster.

Neo shook his head and looked back up at the ceiling. If Curse really had claustrophobia, it wouldn't do to have her traumatized inside a program. There were too many risks when it came to getting an unconscious person in and out of a simulation and he had his mind set on getting her out safely.

"Neo," Curse whimpered, clawing blindly at the bedspread. "Neo, please…"

"Tank," he called once more, "Tank, this isn't funny, man…"

But before he could complete his sentence, Neo's voice got cut off by a ringing sound. Shooting a confused glance at Curse, who returned it with a hopeful one, he reached into his coat's inside pocket and found that a cell phone had materialized in it. He brought the phone out and flipped it open.

"Tank?! Tank, what the hell is happening, man, this is completely…"

"Out of line? Yeah, I figured as much," came a crisp female voice, in response to Neo's less than calm greeting.

"Trinity?" asked Neo, growing even more confused when he heard the second-in-command's voice instead of Tank's. "Where's Tank?"

"Here, next to me, laughing his ass off at the joke no one else finds funny." As if on queue, Tank's laughter increased a notch and could be heard over the phone.

Neo detected a certain amount of anger in Trinity's tone that was seldom used on board ship; in fact, he realized with a jolt, he'd never heard this much rage before.

"Look, can we talk about this later? Curse can't deal with this room. She-"

"Yeah, but the way things look, I'm pretty sure you'll be showing her the ropes." This time there was even a trace of bitterness in her voice. She let out a long, shaky breath. "I can't believe you, Neo. It's her first week. She's confused and scared, and you…" Trinity was using a tone that he'd hadn't heard from her for a while – her upset voice. Neo prided himself on being able to read scales of emotions over the telephone, but right now he'd gladly trade it to be back on board ship. 

Tank's voice: "Trinity, it was just a joke, Neo didn't mean anything…" He, too, stopped. He wasn't laughing any more. 

"Trin, could you explain—"

Once again, Neo got interrupted, this time by a dial tone, signaling that Trinity had hung up on him. He let out a frustrated whistle. The way she had ended their brief conversation meant only one thing. Trinity was more upset with him than she was with Tank. Over what, he couldn't say, but he certainly wasn't too anxious to find out.

Neo pocketed the unit and turned around, just in time to see Curse's RSI disappear right before his eyes. He sat himself on the spot that Curse had just vacated and waited for them to pull him out.


	3. Chapter Two

**Authors' notes**: 

**Jennifer**: It's overdue, aagh, I'm sorry. All obstacles, from e-mail viruses to Jenn's unfinished Chinese homework, absolutely gobbled up our time. Gobble gobble gobble! And you do not want to hear how long the mess hall scenes took. Kindly splat Jenn with rotten tomatoes now. ^^

**Chord**: The mess hall scene haunts me. Calling all critics! Calling all critics! Amateur at work!!! please...?

**Disclaimer**: Once again, we own the original characters Shadow, Curse and Impasse. 

~*~

It took only one glance to his left for Neo's heart to go plummeting down to slosh around in his stomach. Trinity wasn't in the Neb's core at all. Somehow it didn't feel right to wake up to a world that acknowledged her absence. It had become a fixture to Neo, a next to unchangeable reality that Trinity was at his side with each reawakening. Call it symbolic, but ever since the night of his rebirth as the One, Neo could hardly bring himself to accept the fact that she might not always be there to unplug him, even though she always was. 

This one time, he hoped, would be the only exception. 

He waited as someone else attended to the job, wincing as he felt the needle slide against the insides of his plug. He still hated that feeling more than anything else - it was cold, so cold.

Neo sat up slowly and cast a quick look at his surroundings. Tank had moved back to the monitors as soon as he had unplugged Neo and had set the needle back in its place. Neo noted with a grim sense of satisfaction that the other man was pointedly refusing to make eye contact, an apologetic look on his face. 

"You want to tell me what that was about?" Neo asked quietly, his question directed in general to anyone who was present in the Core and not just at the nervous operator. It took him awhile to realize that nobody else was around. 

"It was a joke, man. I'm damn sorry, Neo, honestly. I didn't know Curse was claustrophobic; I... I thought you'd probably make me pull you out almost instantly or something... and Trinity..." 

"Well, now you know," Neo answered with a tired sigh. It wouldn't do any good to kick his friend when he was already down. "Where'd the kid disappear to anyway?" 

"Took off after Trinity, but I doubt they went in the same direction," Tank paused there, hesitated for a fraction of a second, then continued, "Listen, Neo, you might want to go talk to Trinity-" 

"Why?" 

"The program, ah..." Tank fiddled with the red disk. 

"What about it? It's harmless, isn't it?" Neo demanded.

"Well, uh, yeah." Tank dropped the disk and was suddenly in a terrible hurry to pick it up. "Er, listen, think I'll go look for Curse now, 'kay? It's your shift, isn't it?" 

Neo nodded and watched Tank make for the ladder that led down from the Core's main deck, disappearing from sight in a matter of seconds. 

~*~

Neo settled down on the operator's chair and took the earpiece, but before putting it on, he studied it. He ran his fingers down the length of the wire and fingered the attached mouthpiece, crumbling the thin layer of foam that covered the tiny mike between his fingers distractedly.

Only moments ago Trinity had used this same, intricate piece of equipment to talk to him, in a tone he had thought was disappointment. Now, though, he wasn't so sure. Something in her voice had sounded alien, different, and Neo was sure he'd never heard her speak to him or anyone else in that manner before. It was just a program! Get a grip on yourself, man, a stupid, harmless program… 

Or was it? 

Banishing that puzzlement from his mind, Neo tried to concentrate on the possible reasons that could have prompted Trinity into reacting the way she did. He stared flatly at the cascading curtains of green code that flashed about on the screen and recalled the more recent events that had preceded Curse's training. As symbols and numbers fell with each second and time passed normally and fairly uneventfully in the Matrix, Neo fought with logic. Unfortunately, that had never been his strong point and to make matters worse, he was trying to use it to figure Trinity out, which was a bad thing. After all, logic was based on predictability, and Trinity had to be the most unpredictable woman on the planet. 

Fighting the frustration that had begun to creep up his throat like sour bile, he frowned slightly in concentration as the most logical explanation hit him.  During dinner earlier that evening, he could tell that Trinity's mind was elsewhere. She hadn't attended to her food and every once in a while, she had thrown searching glances in Shadow's direction when she thought no one was paying attention to her. But paying attention to Trinity was exactly what Neo had been doing all throughout the meal, and every other waking moment, really, even when his duties as the One required his full attention. Even then, he always had one eye trained on her when they went into the Matrix, watching her closely, looking out for her, whether she wanted him to or not. 

Maybe that was what had gone wrong. When he had done his best to nudge Trinity into touching her food, she could have felt that his watching her was too close for comfort and that he had been probing at her actions more than was necessary. It would be downright impossible to ever forget that Trinity could look after herself, but that had not stemmed the rapid flow of Neo's increasing concern when her hand had refused to go anywhere near her spork. 

Finally reaching the limit of his restraints, Neo had subtly suggested that Trinity eat. She had squeezed his hand briefly after taking in the first bite, something he had interpreted as a reassuring gesture, but now he wasn't so sure of that either. He could have misread that action. Suddenly his world seemed to spin in the other direction. Perhaps instead of expressing gratitude, which was what Neo had thought, she could have been telling him to mind his own business and leave her to her own affairs. 

That had to be it. 

"She didn't want you treating her like she was nothing more than an unmanageable, undisciplined five year old,' thought Neo. 'Dammit, now you're not just being uxorious, you're lecturing her."

The other voice at the back of his head, the one that had prompted the concern in the first place, argued against his reasoning saying, 'Sometimes, people need looking after. She's strong, yes, but she's not immune and when certain stubborn traits of hers get in the way, it's as good as your job to make sure she doesn't starve herself to death, worrying like she does.' 

"Dammit, you can't even look after yourself, Neo. You try slapping a bib on yourself and see how you like it," Neo retorted, unaware that this particular conversation was not just going on inside his own mind, with himself, but vocally as well. The exhaustion was kicking in, numbing his sense to the point that he found it hard to tell if the voice talking to him belonged to a completely different person. 

'You didn't slap a bib on her, so stop trying to be logical because you are anything but. You don't use your head to figure things out -- she's the one who does that. You acted on instinct, what you felt was right. And it felt right, it always does, to look after the woman you love,' the voice bit back. 

Irritation was at its peak level and before Neo could stop himself, he slammed his hand on the console and yelled, "If I acted on my gut instincts, judging from the way Trinity reacted to what I did, then we can all safely assume that my guts have shit for brains!" 

"Neo…?" came a tentative whisper. 

Neo jerked his head up from where it had already begun to droop and turned at the sound of the voice. Curse stood a few meters away, clutching the hem of her sweater, a nervously confused glint in her eyes. She watched him before she took a step closer and asked, "Are… are you okay? You… said something, and… and I think you… well, stopped after that." 

Neo relaxed and a beckoned at the girl to come closer, "Yeah. Is it your turn?" 

Curse nodded and closed the gap between them, sliding into the chair that Neo vacated for her. He stood behind her and took one last look at the monitors, as if the Matrix could clear his head. 

"Morpheus told me to tell you to get some rest, and he figured I'd be the only one willing to take your place," Curse said when Neo didn't move, standing silently behind her. 

"He knows?" Neo wondered aloud, choosing to stop short of voicing Curse's predicament. He hadn't seen Morpheus much that day. 

Curse nodded again, but she didn't seem too worried about it, unlike she had been earlier, "he said it's all good." Catching the small smile on Neo's lips, she tensed and switched into defensive mode at once, demanding, "What?" 

"He used those exact words? Morpheus said that 'it's all good'? Our Morpheus?" Neo asked. Curse grinned up at him and waved him off, dismissing his silly question as an effect of fatigue. 

Neo said good night and headed for the cabin. When he got there, he stopped right in front of the door and hesitated, his hand on the wheel. Was Trinity still upset? Would she speak to him at all? 

With one last determined sigh, he entered the cabin only to find it dark and empty. The bunk's blanket and pillow rested on the head, unmoved, showing no signs of use since Trinity had tidied them up this morning. Resigned and feeling almost unbearably sad, not to mention somewhat ashamed, Neo sank onto the cot and tugged at his heavy combat boots. 

Of course she wouldn't be here. If she was upset enough to ignore him, she was upset enough to stay awake and stay away. And even when she wasn't upset it was sometimes hard to coax her into resting. Neo gingerly reclined on the narrow bunk, as if afraid it would break into two without Trinity's presence, and stared up at the ceiling, desperately wishing that his arms where wrapped around her slender form right now instead of laying uselessly at his sides. 

He drifted off uneasily, battling to stay up and wait for her but losing all the same. His last coherent thought before his mind sank into a restless state of unconsciousness, was that he wouldn't be feeling Trinity's hand in his for at least a few hours, and even that was too long a wait for him.

~*~ 

The minute she heard the door close behind Neo, she turned the corner and approached their cabin, moving quietly so that her boots, heavy though they were, barely made a sound on the metal floor. She stood right in front of the door and stared at the wheel as a silent battle raged inside her. 

If someone who knew her well enough had taken the time to scrutinize the details of her face very well right at that moment, they would have seen the barest traces of wistfulness peeking out from the corners of her ice-blue eyes, before a colder look clouded over and erased them completely. 

 ~*~

Trinity had been waiting just around the corner next to Tank's door, hoping to catch him before he went to bed, but keeping out of sight all the same. She had a bone to pick with the operator about breaking the rules and regulations, regarding handling the Neb's equipment without authorization from either Morpheus or herself, and she didn't want him to see her and run off before she could reprimand him. It was against protocol and Tank knew it. 

Then she had heard footsteps. At first, she had thought it was Tank, returning from the Core. His night shift had ended the minute he had pulled Curse out of the "training stimulation." According to what she remembered of the crew's rotations, Neo's shift was up next. Shadow, having been dismayed by the condition of the mess hall's thermostats, was trying to fix it and Morpheus was up in the cockpit, either talking to Zion or passing time as an extra look-out duty. Frankly, she didn't care what Curse was up to, and as long as everyone else was preoccupied at the moment, she could tell Tank off in peace. 

Because she had been waiting for the moderately brisk steps that usually signalled Tank's arrival, it had surprised her to hear a slower, dragging set of footfalls instead. Recognizing it instantly as Neo's manner of walking when he tried not to make any noise, she had caught herself from stepping out to meet him just in time. 

Trinity had preferred to remain unnoticed by him, as she listened to him draw closer to where she stood. Although she had told herself that she was merely staying away because she was upset, deep down she knew she was doing it for an entirely different reason. It was something she had gotten used to, after so many long nights of holding vigil before the Matrix monitors, studying Thomas Anderson and finding his every move strangely intriguing. Since those times, Trinity had formed a habit of watching him while he was unaware of her presence, and it was something she had grown to like doing, even more so because of what Neo had become to her. 

Neo's progress from the ladder to their cabin door had been deliberately slow, as if he reaching the room was something he dreaded. However, when he had hesitated right outside their cabin door, it had occurred to her that retiring for the night was not what Neo had dreaded. Neo had obviously thought that she was already inside and resting and he hadn't wanted to face her, in the current mood she was in. She didn't know why, but when she heard what she understood to be a faint sigh of relief escape from his lips as he pulled the door open, she had felt something stir inside of her. 

It had hurt. 

Refusing to dwell on what she was feeling, Trinity withdrew her hand from its resting place on the door's wheel. Now that he was resting, she could seek out Tank in peace without having to worry about encountering Neo when it was obvious that neither one of them was ready to face the other. 

Trinity decided to make for the mess hall, hoping that Shadow was done fiddling with the thermostats and that Tank was there. Besides, she could use a glass of water, to calm whatever was tugging at her insides. 

She turned on her heel and traced Neo's path down the corridor and up the ladder. The mess hall was closer to the engine room than their sleeping quarters were and she hoped the noisy machines would help drown out the sound that was haunting her thoughts even now: the sound of Neo's sigh. She couldn't shake the disturbing thoughts from her mind, of how he didn't want her around him when in one of her mood swings… How he had seemed perfectly at ease to find their cabin empty of her person… How he had appeared to prefer a rendezvous in one of Mouse's program with their youngest crewmember to conversing with her over Tank's earpiece… 

_Face it, he's done with you. That's right. He's through with you. _

She should've known, really, should've guessed. Thomas A. Anderson had never really been good at long-term relationships – two or three months had been the limit. Why should Neo be any different? In the past, Trinity'd pushed all doubt from her mind. It seemed… it seemed to her as if he'd really cared.

_Shows how smart you are, doesn't it? Trinity the supposedly male hacker, Trinity, Morpheus' right hand man – smoothly ironic that this should be where you fail – with the other gender. What were you expecting from him anyway? God forbid, a _family_? Trinity swallowed. Yes.___

_He's the One. __Zion__ girls are probably waiting in line. Hell, even a rookie who could hardly hold a wrench the right way could get his attention. He's bored with you._

_No, another voice pleaded. You're the problem. You couldn't expect someone like him to actually be attracted to someone like you for long. You're just a soldier. He never really loved you. God, he used you as life support. _

Trinity would never admit it, of course. It was childish. Irrational. Selfish. But at that very moment all she felt like doing was curling up in a corner and crying.

Mess hall, she told herself. Some downtime. 

Morpheus' fightin' Neo!

It seemed like she was fighting Neo, now.

 ~*~

Trinity ran a list of what she planned to tell Tank when she found him, ignoring the way her last suspicion about Neo had sounded too much like she was jealous. She tried to convince herself that she was being ludicrous and focused instead on her duties as second-in-command to a naughty operator as she proceeded to empty her mind of thoughts on Neo for time being. 

But Trinity wasn't perfect, and even less so when she was troubled. Had she bothered to pay closer attention to the way Neo's shoulders drooped, how his eyes were tired and searching, and how he had had closed them briefly as if his confusion pained him just as much as his sigh did her, she would have read the sigh differently, and she would have gotten it right. 

There had been only sadness in the air he had breathed out and even as her feet carried her farther away from where he lay discontented and troubled, she had know way of knowing that relief was the still the farthest thing from his mind. 

* ~ *

"Tank?" Shadow glanced up, one hand reaching out to massage her stiff neck. 

"Have you seen him?" came Trinity's curt reply. It came out sounding much stricter than she'd wanted it. Shadow shook her head no.

"He's off his shift already. I thought he might've come back." Idly she waved a hand towards the counter, under which was the thermostat she'd just spent half the night repairing. "Fixed."

Trinity nodded. "Thanks. Good of you to stay up and finish it." She shrugged. "Guess I'll look for Tank tomorrow."

"Have you seen Neo?" The question popped out of the blue. Trinity shot the other woman an odd glance, but Shadow was busy tinkering with the thermostats again.

"Not tonight, not yet, no."

Shadow cocked her head to the side. "Sit. You're very pale."

"It's just cold. I'll be fine." Trinity hoped Shadow would take the hint that she was ready to leave, but it seemed like she didn't. 

"Shah. You are not cold." Shadow suddenly reached out and gripped Trinity's wrist with surprising strength, steering her over to a bench. She sat down on her other side. "Now tell me, have you seen Neo?"

"Don't you take 'no' as an answer?" Trinity shot back.

"Don't you answer truthfully when someone asks an innocent question?" While her expression was firm, there was a kindly glint in Shadow's dark eyes.  

"He's gone to his room already." Trinity sighed impatiently. "Look, I need to be alone – go get some sleep or something, you deserve it-"

"Alone? Why aren't you talking to him?"

Trinity snapped. She got up. "I don't need this." Shadow made no move to stop her as she made her way over to the door. "What is it to you, anyway?" 

Shadow shrugged, nonchalantly. "Nothing."

Trinity spun and yanked open the door. 

"But to him, more than you think."

But to him, more than you think. Those words rang in Trinity's mind. And then the door slammed shut.

* ~ *

_Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Neo? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? _

The place was identical to the Construct, but it felt different. There was some eeriness to the ambience, a strange quality floating around the endless stretch of white-washed emptiness. Something was different, and as Neo began to walk around aimlessly in what felt like a forced silence, the air began to thicken.

Pressure began to form around his face and his breathing became forced, requiring effort now. He struggled on, through the void, and with each shaky step, he felt pinpricks stab his insides again and again. 

Something was not just different. Something was wrong.

His footsteps began to make muffled sounds as he increased his pace. He looked down to find himself clothed in full Matrix combat gear. The boots on his feet slammed against what was now hard-packed earth, dry and cracking as if the sun had just recently sucked the ground dry of moisture. The soil was gray.

Neo looked back up and to his surprise, the Construct had vanished. He slowed down and came to a halt and took in his surroundings. He looked to be standing in the middle of a vacant piece of land, as barren as the dessert, and nothing more than a collection of rocks and dust.

A harsh wind, more biting than cold, whipped at his coat. A glint similar to the bounce of sunlight on a mirror caught his eye, and he had to squint to see through the sand that rushed before his eyes, clouding his vision.

What he saw almost sent him to his knees, in fear.

It was Trinity. Even from a good ten feet away Neo could recognize her silhouette crouched and shivering in her solitude. Her arms were wrapped around her shoulders, and her head was tucked in towards her chest, in an attempt to shield her face from something he had yet to identify.

Dressed in what looked to be her ship clothes, it was obvious that the almost-rags were doing little to keep her warm. Neo ran towards her, the pounding of his heart more audible than the thump of his boots.

She was cold. Her shaky breathing was visible, swirling like a snowstorm against the twilight sky. A flurry of diamonds swept by on an icy gust, some catching in her hair before slowly melting away. It could have been the breath of angels from heaven, in its silver and misty appearance -- but it was much too cold, much too unforgiving. She was soon shivering so hard, almost enough to shatter her frame in its harshness. Her stance was quivering now; It seemed that the gale would simply blow her away.

Neo wanted to stretch out and reach her, before it was too late and the black night swallowed her altogether. He wanted to touch her and hold on, lest the black, ebony sky keep her imprisoned within its solid cube of darkness. He could see her, but he could not get to her, could not penetrate the barrier between them.

His fingers, warm but stiff, could feel the edges and walls, and he wanted nothing more than to be trapped inside --if he couldn't save Trinity, he would go down with her. 

But he could not get to it, to the other side, that inky expanse of nothingness that bound her so tight inside a cage she was blind to. He willed nothing more than to burst into flames so that he might at least illuminate the terrible darkness that she had shut her eyes against, that she might see him and know he wouldn't leave her. Even for just awhile, his soul would be the new dawn. For her.

And his life? It was hers.

But still, he could not break open that cell. He banged on its walls, clawed at the sides, trying desperately to tear a hole but failing. The surface did not even scratch and when he pounded his fists against the glass-like solidity, it did not make a sound. Could he crack it like an eggshell? Could he bring Trinity back out, reborn into his warmth like the sun? A fresh start? 

His thoughts threw an endless stream of questions at him, but with each inquisition, negation met the hope he threw against the wall. He could feel each question shatter into oblivion. Then frost traced letters across the black walls like chalk on a chalkboard: No, no, never, not, no.

_No, no, never, not, no._

The frost clouded the walls, making them harder and harder to see through. Yet he could not bring himself to look away from the sight that now haunted him -- his Trinity, on her own, losing hope; breaking. She seemed smaller, less solid, with every burst of snow from her freezing lips. 

He thought he could see tears forming in her eyes now. One spilled and froze, to form a miniscule icicle halfway down, and he released a cry.

He beat furiously on the walls, kicking at it with the toes of his heavy boots, but he might as well have been miming; for all the good it had done, but a tiny hole eased its way into its otherwise flawless surface. From it blew a bitter wind which wrenched his voice from his raw throat. He struggled amidst his own hoarse screams, in contrast to the motionless, silent figure that was Trinity.

Holes slowly formed --one large enough for him to slip his last finger in -- but the edges were sharper than glass and the skin on his palms split. Boiling blood streamed down his arms, all too quickly solidifying against the dark. Blood, black and nononevernotno. 

His head felt light. He wondered if he too was cold now.

At last he forced himself through, screaming silently in absolute pain like his body was being cut in two. Trinity flickered like a candle flame in the wind, at times going altogether, just as invisible and insignificant as the vanishing snowflakes. She seemed so cold he feared for a moment, just a moment, that her quivering form would melt altogether if he touched her, dissolving with the words of impending doom scrawled nefariously on the walls of their prison. 

That one second was all it took.

Trinity gasped a sharp breath suddenly, drawing up so much tension in her shoulders and upper body she seemed to shatter from the inside. Limply, she collapsed in on herself, with all the grace death leers with. In despair and sour, unquenchable fear, Neo forced his lifeless arms to move – to catch her, to protect her, to find her, to reach her, to her – but she was still. And the snowflakes continued their haphazard, lazy dance silently, or at least how deafeningly death's scythe slashes at its victims. 

Neo's breath came raggedly, overcome with emotion. He sensed hot tears rolling down his cheeks, but it was too late now. None could escape, nononevernotno. And his voice was back now, gasping like nails on a blackboard, the only thing he could hear in that barren wasteland filled with pretty, enchanting white snow.

Neo suddenly got up, not knowing why. Trance-like, he moved towards the wall nearest to him. The snow seemed to magically clear a path before his feet could touch the ground. The wall had mysteriously mended, and now appeared to be but a thin sheet of clear ice. It looked familiar, somehow. A dim, hazy memory swept into Neo's mind. The wall was nearly glass, like a mirror – the mirror which he had mended with his very gaze the day he was unplugged. How long ago that had seemed. 

The mirror had done strange things, he remembered. It had come alive, wrapping his skin in a silvery, ice-cold sheath, pulsing. That had been just before he'd entered the real world, his entire life's meaning. Was there another journey for him behind this impassive shield? Could there be another way?

He felt fear; biting, clawing fear, which shrieked against its restraints and rattled its bars, snarling. But his hand rose, unperturbed. He touched the wall. Solid. It was completely solid, and harder than steel. Déjà vu, he thought suddenly. It was cold, after all, so cold…

~*~

Never look back. It was some sort of jinx when you were fixing hardware, Shadow decided. The thermostat, which had been working perfectly fine just an instant ago, was simply berserk now. Shadow sighed. Jinx or no jinx, luck or no luck, it was no use leaving the thing broken. 

~*~

Neo snapped awake. It was just a dream. He swore under his breath. Just a dream. 

Dreams were usually affected b real life scenarios, though. It was cold, true; but not really any colder than the Nebuchadnezzar was usually. Neo felt his heart sink, not for the first time that night, as he noticed the other half of the bunk was quite clearly untouched and nothing in the room had been moved. Empty.

By now, Neo could feel an enormous lump like a knife in his throat. Trinity never was out this late, and judging by his dream, he'd been sleeping for a good few hours already. 

Neo's tongue seemed to be sticking to the roof of his mouth. His throat was parched. Sighing, Neo crawled out of bed and heaved on his boots. He'd probably wake the whole ship up with his clumsiness; he'd certainly done it before, awakening Morpheus when he had tripped and fallen in the hall right in front of the captain's cabin, on the way to the bathroom one night. Mentally he shrugged that humiliating event off sheepishly and finished tying the laces on his boots. Only one person was on his mind, after all.

_Trinity... _

~*~

When wedged behind an object in a tight space, loud clomping noises are your worst nightmare. Shadow wasn't quite sure if it was just Curse's insecurities rubbing off her, but she definitely jumped slightly – hitting her head ("Sha! Fool machine!") – when the door of the mess hall ground open. Heavy, dragging footsteps. She almost laughed. It was definitely Neo. She'd always wondered how he could make so much noise with a pair of shoes, but yes, if there was something… unusual like that, it was done by Neo. Shadow expected Neo to tower over the counter any second and reveal that he knew she was there, but he didn't. Instead, he took out an ordinary tin mug from a drawer and filled it with water. He drained it in one gulp and filled another.

Neo's gaze flickered across the room. He was distracted, Shadow decided. Well, private affairs were sometimes best solved on one's own. And everyone needed a little privacy now and then. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned back to the pesky thermostat. It was getting to a point where she was ready to begin talking to it – "Hello, my name is Shadow, would you please work now?" She'd heard it had always worked with plants.

~*~

Trinity had chased Curse out of the core by turning the evil eye on her. It really hadn't been the most thoughtful of gestures. She'd definitely have to make up for it later. It was just that the sight of Curse was really getting under her skin. And that girl was peculiar. Whoever enjoyed watching Matrix code that much?

_Jealous?__ You're not jealous._

Resting an elbow on the side of the keyboard, Trinity propped her head up with her hand. How long had it been? Not long. Not more than a few hours, anyway. Most everyone in the Matrix was peacefully asleep. Trinity wondered if Neo was too. Most likely, yes. _Dreaming peacefully on his own, on their bunk... in their cabin... where she was supposed to be as well..._

The code from the Matrix was giving her a headache. Trinity stood up and pushed the chair back in with slightly more force than really necessary. Well, if Curse loved the Matrix so much, she could go back into it.

~*~ 

"What're you doing here?" demanded Trinity, after she shut the door of the mess hall abruptly.

Neo set his mug down --it was his third and already half-empty-- on the counter, turning around immediately at the sound of her voice. He had had his back to the door so it was understandable that he seemed somewhat startled when he caught her eyes. "I thought you'd be here" was his only reply.

"What do I have to do with you sitting here, drowning yourself?"

Her eyes widened slightly for a split second and so did his; it was just one of those Kodac moments that made blatantly clear how strong the bond between them really was. Trinity had known, without a single sliver of doubt, that Neo had drunk more than one glass of water. Neo, for his part, had not questioned her knowing.

Instead, he watched her with an even stare to match her own. "Everything." 

Trinity looked completely unsatisfied with the answer as she moved to take a seat at the table so he went on, "I just wanted to get a chance to talk to you, Trin..."

She blanched at the use of her nickname, which was reserved for him to use alone. As if it hurt to hear it. "What is it with everyone and talking, today?"

Neo quickly caught himself. "Trinity, I-"

Trinity really wasn't in the mood. She had just wanted a place to sleep, anyway. She could just leave the mess hall and take a couple of blankets down to the boiler room, where it was warm enough. "Look, just go back to bed, Neo."

There was a pause. Neither one moved to leave. "No."

Trinity's temper flared up that she had to ball her hands into fists and glare down at them to keep from retaliating in a less-than-calm manner. Reasonable or not, the authoritative side of her began to kick in. She was second-in-command on the Nebuchadnezzar and was not someone to play games with. Much as she refused to allow her post to mix with her personal feelings, she was definitely creeping towards her limit. "No?"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," Neo insisted. His fingers were now at the mug's rim, and he took another small sip as if he needed something to occupy himself with. He would not look away, though.

"You know damn well nothing's wrong, so don't give me this crap."

Neo's shoulders sagged even more, as if a huge load that he was already struggling with had just increased in weight. He turned his back to her just as she glanced up at him and the minute he did, it was if someone had just flipped the light switch from on to off; Trinity missed his gaze and the sight of his face. _Turn around. Turn around and let me look at you._

"I don't. I can't be honest for the both of us when you're obviously trying so hard to keep quiet about this. And I can't lie and say I know what's wrong, either. You're hard enough to read as it is... You'll have to tell me what's going on because… well... I'm at a loss here..."

"Stop saying that."

Was it just him, or had he detected a slight tremor in her tone? 

"Do you want to talk at all?"

Trinity looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. She tilted head to one side and her eyes betrayed a glint that mocked _why should I? in a wry and not at all humorous, unspoken quip. "There isn't anything to talk about, is there."_

Neo left his mug in the sink and moved to sit across the table from her, trying hard to meet her eyes and let them tell her what his frail words could not. He hesitated a bit then faltered as he eased onto the bench. 

"What do you think?"

Trinity let their gazes lock for a brief moment. "Would it matter to you?"

_We're gonna kill him. Do you understand that that? _

_Morpheus__ believes he is the One._

_Do you?_

_It doesn't matter what I believe._

Neo was silent. Trinity could feel his gaze burning into her and although she didn't let her surprise show, she had certainly not expected to see him like this. Like he was broken and beyond repair. Then he stood up abruptly and began pacing the room slowly. She followed his progress, impassive and expressionless as she watched him. When he next spoke, his voice was definitely raspier now, forced even. Like he had to fight to force the words out.

"These are all questions with no one answering them...Shit, I don't think we're getting anywhere. I don't understand all this, Trinity..." He stopped walking but didn't look at her again. "All I'm sure of is that you don't want to talk to me about something I did wrong." Neo finally glanced at her, sincerity written all across his face. For a brief, jerking moment, Trinity thought she could see tears glistening in his eyes.

But just as quickly he looked away again.

"It's hell that you'd even ever consider the possibility that what you're thinking about in all this doesn't matter to me." Neo turned to the door, then with a tone that was uncharacteristically timid, even for him, "Just so you know… it matters. Everything about you matters." Throwing her one last look, he moved around the table and made for the door.

_He's leaving now. _It hit her like a bolt from the blue.

"Neo?" Trinity said, quietly. Neo didn't turn around but his fingers tightened around the door handle. "Neo - Neo, wait. This afternoon, in that program..." 

 Neo turned slowly to face her. In that split second she'd spoken, she'd silently made her way over to where he was and was now standing very close to him. He swallowed audibly and hoped she wouldn't notice.

If she did, she didn't show it. "What happened in there?"

"I thought you saw-"

"I did. But I want your side of the story."

Neo frowned and that expression was disconcerting. He didn't frown often and Trinity found herself thinking that once was already one time too many. "Tank pulled a joke on Curse, loading us into a weird room instead of the smaller jump program I'd asked for." 

Hastily he added, "Curse is afraid of heights. I wasn't going easy on her-"

He was interrupted. Nonchalantly: "Was the disk red?"

Neo smiled sadly and Trinity felt herself loosen up a bit, against her will. "I wouldn't know. I was in the program, remember?" 

"Never mind then. Go on." Trinity took a half a step closer, but retained the grim set of her mouth in a firm, thin line.

"That's about it. Tank's freaky sense of humor backfired because of Curse's fear of tight spaces. Before I could get her out though... well… you know this part." Neo looked down at his shoes, startled to find Trinity's almost touching his; that was how close they were. He could feel the warmth radiating off her body now. He'd forgotten how it felt to be warm.

"That was one of Mouse's programs," Trinity breathed. At this statement, his eyes shot up, surprised, and for awhile, everything else save the stinging ache of loneliness, was pushed aside to take in this new piece of curious information. 

"Mouse?" Where could he come in in all of this?

"It was on a red disk, in that case ... all his red disks held – well, you know, red…"

Realization dawned on Neo and he whispered, frightened by the sudden revelation, "The woman in red programs! That would explain the room, and the interior designing, not to mention..." he caught her watching him and he shut up, although he was sure she knew what was on his mind and at the top of his tongue anyway. Not to mention you and how you reacted.

Neither spoke after Neo lapsed into silence, but there had been a change. Somehow, the atmosphere was a comfortable absence of words where mistakes were acknowledged and forgiven without the need for verbal communication. It was relief, more than anything, that sprung from a misunderstanding resolved. 

Neo could hear the nearby hum of engines and the bothersome drip of the leaking sink, all those sounds made more intense by the gaze Trinity had fixed upon him; a gaze he came to recognize as one of her uncertain looks. 

He had seen this look in her pale blue eyes only once before. It had been in the tv repair shop so long ago, and Switch had just fallen. They were now as alone as two unplugged people could possibly be in the Matrix, and matters had taken a turn for the worse for a traitor was running rampant in the real word, ready to murder, willing to kill.

He had not heard what Cypher had said to her through the phone, but whatever it was had made Trinity look up at him, in a way similar to how she was watching him now. Less scared. More uncertain. Her confidence all but shattered, her composure almost breaking...

_Look into his eyes. His big pretty eyes, and tell me. Yes or no._

Neo was looking down at her now, watching her just as he had a long time ago when he was still as far from the One as he could possibly be; he had studied her as she had tried to negotiate with Cypher and when the treacherous bastard had told her to look at him, she had. She had seen the trust, mingled with concern, confusion and fear, and she had fallen in love with that look. She had fallen in love with him. No more hesitation, the slate of doubt wiped clean with one word shining in all its clarity.

_Yes._

Neo had not deserved the ordeal he'd gone through that day, nor did he deserve this ordeal she'd just thrown at him because of her own insecurities, because of her own fears, because of her one weakness: the fear of losing her faith in him. Of losing him, who was everything to her when reality itself was nothing.

The revelation that it was her fault was bitter, just as it was soothing to know that she no longer had a reason to keep her distance. Nothing held her back now, and Trinity could barely keep still as the clash of emotions welled up inside her , threatening to burst through at any moment should she remain stationery and unmoving.

_Make it up to him, Trinity. He didn't deserve any of that. Oh God, he didn't deserve…_

Trinity reached out slowly, hesitantly, and touched Neo's wrist, trailing her fingers down to his warm palm slowly. She interlaced their fingers and the shock of contact combined with her exhaustion, caused her gaze to falter. Without warning, Neo slipped his other hand under her chin and raised her head slowly to look at him. 

"Hey," he whispered, voice flowing like water in a fountain, and not at all as choked as before.  

"What?" Trinity marveled at how his tone was so low, so soft... ready to forgive unconditionally.

"That was our first... misunderstanding." The trace of sadness was still there and she wanted to take it away. He doesn't deserve sadness... he doesn't deserve...

"It won't be our last," she told him. Truth was absolute. 

"I know." Neo pulled his hand away from her chin but did not look away. "But we fixed this... we'll fix all the others too. It won't be easy, but...." Neo smiled down at her for the first time that evening, "we'll manage."

She nodded and watched him, willing her eyes to reveal what was going on inside her right now, the rush of everything she felt for him and all the emotions linked with it that she needed to express but didn't know how. Trinity, ashamed of her earlier display of chin-deep immaturity, couldn't take the initiative of advancing her desires: to be closer, closer to Neo. The most she could do was stand, stand there and look at him, pleading silently for deliverance from her uncertainty. Neo took one look at the need in her eyes and without another word leaned down and captured her lips with his in a tender kiss. 

At first, desperation drove Trinity into demanding more from the kiss than she intended to as her eyes fluttered shut. Neo realized, with a fresh bout of fear chilling his heart, that this was headed in a direction far too similar to the conditions he had experienced in his dream; cold, rough carelessness and wave after wave of harsh, empty darkness. Those were the exact same entities that had driven Trinity to breaking and Neo would not permit that.

_Not now. Not ever. Show her, then, show her something else, something other than this. Not now. Not ever. Show her, then, show her something else, something other than this. Show her._

He squeezed the hand that still held on to his tightly, to reassure her of his intentions before he deliberately slowed his pace. Neo pulled away from the kiss just enough so that he could begin a soft expedition down her neck, paving the way with feathery-light caresses with his lips, taking care to be as loving and as tender as he knew to be. With his face buried in her neck, he ran his lips up and down the smooth, paleness of her skin, pausing now and then to nuzzle the side of his face against hers before returning to the more passionate affairs of their joint activity.

He smiled into her neck when she finally released an impatient, barely audible murmur of protest at his overdue stay away from her lips; he brought his line of kisses back up her neck, took a quick detour to nibble teasingly at her earlobe, before giving in her to her request of returning to her mouth for another kiss.

This time, Trinity's response matched his own, searching for his return patiently every time he pulled away, as if reminding her that breathing was vital. Soon, she urged him to part their clasped hands so that he could wrap both arms around her waist and pull her body closer to him as he coaxed her into deepening the kiss, something she complied to readily.

It was a mark of how wrong staying away from one another was to them, even if it was only for a few hours; Trinity, usually specific about the privacy terms of their relationship, didn't seem as if she cared if anyone else walked in on them – instead of pushing Neo away quickly she would calmly allow him to finish, sometimes ignoring any intruders' presence altogether, and they knew well enough to turn away and walk out quietly. Neo, after sleeping through a nightmare alone, restless and cold, could hardly get enough of her taste, her scent, the very sensation that was her.

Trinity's hands went up to run fingers through his short hair, and she pressed into him willingly when he tightened his hold on her waist, sighing into his mouth as the warmth from both their bodies enveloped them in a sweet sense of relief and release, so intense that it was enough to counter the freezing night chill that had seeped its way into the mess hall.

When exactly the ships' light and heat had gone off, neither was aware, for both were too caught up with their passionate embrace of renewed intimacy. The cold was ignored and the deafening silence was filled with satisfied murmurs that mingled with whispers of wanting, all melting into a sighing melody that sang of contentment and serenity.

~*~

After what could have been eternity spent with wandering hands and seeking mouths, it was Trinity who finally put a halt to things. Eyes closed, head thrown back, a smile of pleasure gracing her flushed face, she let Neo finish the business he had begun with the lower part of her neck. She gave him a few more minutes and waited out his persistent tugging at the edge of her sweater, as he tried to gain better access to her.

"Neo," she murmured to him as she reluctantly opened her eyes to the darkness that had not been there earlier.

"Mhhm...you say sum'in, Trin...?" he asked as his pursuit distracted him; his attention was elsewhere, directed at some other part of her that needed tending to.

"Neo," she repeated, as she placed two hands on his chest and pushed him away gently but firmly.

"Something wrong?" he asked as looked her over. A strand of hair had fallen into Trinity's face and although she, in her attempts to get through to Neo, had not noticed, it didn't escape Neo's attention. He reached out and brushed it away, tucking it safely behind her ear before that same hand came back to stroke her cheekbone.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just really late. We should go to bed," she explained and when his eyes widened in disbelief, she shook her head and rephrased it to, "we need sleep. Aren't you tired?"

Grinning sheepishly, Neo nodded and admitted, "yeah. Yeah, guess I am. Just didn't notice it sooner."

Trinity smiled up at him in the darkness and sensing the rare upward tilt to her lips, Neo brought two fingers down to trace their outline fondly. "Come on, our cabin's waiting."

"You're coming this time?" Neo asked, his voice full of hope.

"Yes."

"Good." 

A shuffle of footsteps ensued, accompanied by a few less audible signs of last minute additions, and in the pitch black room that was the mess hall at night, a door was heard to open. Right before it closed, however, three more words were spoken, left to float suspended in the air, as if to ward off the complete void as the lovers left in each other's arms.

"...I love you..."

* ~ *

Smiling softly to herself, Shadow extricated herself from behind the counter. From where she'd been stiffening her neck, she couldn't see a thing, and she'd blotted all sound from her mind – didn't know what they'd been doing and intended to keep it that way. _Love, she thought blissfully as she stretched herself, hoping the crick in her neck would go away. __Longsuffering, gentle and kind.__ All-fulfilling._

* ~ *

It had been a peculiar night for Curse, on the other hand. Morpheus had shown up unexpectedly, in an effort to give his crewmember some rest from her duties, being oblivious to her motives. And before that, she had been driven out by Trinity. Curse gulped. Trinity was nice enough, and well-loved on the ship, but quite frankly, Curse was absolutely terrified of her. She suspected it had something to do with also being in complete awe of Trinity. Seeing Trinity just jump from building to building or take down whole SWAT teams... it was incredible. Unbelievable, even.

Probably what still most impressed Curse was how Trinity had hacked the IRS d-base in Kansas, all those years ago. Trinity must have known that Curse had spent her entire life in Kansas too. Curse had only been about nine years old, and was just learning how to type at the time, and she'd heard about a bad hacker who'd cracked what was - is - considered top security. As a matter of fact,

the mysterious Trinity had sort of been Curse's childhood hero, and, well, Curse had never really grown up completely. Trinity had escaped and had never quite been seen again, and Curse had more or less grown up pursuing the trail he'd left behind, which of course had led her to the Matrix. To actually meet her hero - well, heroine, she knew now - and live on the same ship with her was… well. For goodness' sake, it was a dream come true. And it was also practically scattering what confidence she had, not that she had enough to spare anyway.

Curse was feeling especially useless, and downright stupid, really, after being forced out of her favourite stakeout twice in one day. It didn't help that she had no where else to go. And the ship's corridors were making her nervous. Also, she knew that her last alternative - the mess hall - was being occupied by Shadow, who was fiddling with something. She'd considered going in, but the mantra of "Shah! Fool contraption, I shall hit you now!" echoing down the corridor, followed by long strings of something that sounded like Russian and various metallic noises, was enough to change her mind. It was  a pity she hadn't been close enough to hear Shadow's low laughter as an amusing one-woman conversation with a lifeless object followed her earlier, more aggressive attempts at repairing stubborn thermostats.

Instead, Curse had no choice now but to return dolefully to the core, pacing aimlessly around or peering at the Matrix over Morpheus' shoulder. For at least two hours, Morpheus had ignored the fact that she should be _sleeping (that was why he'd relieved her in the first place) and tried to turn the occasion into a learning experience, doing his best to teach her to read and recognize certain useful or common codes, but at the end of it when he just couldn't bear it any longer he'd sent her off to bed. Captain's orders, and no one could argue with those. In desperation Curse had asked if he had needed any messages delivered - the corridors were better than her bunk, at any rate. At last he'd said, "Tell Neo that he will be going into the Matrix tomorrow if he is awake, and then go straight to bed." It was a bit silly, the captain thought, since Neo needed restraining from the Matrix rather than announcements that he was going in; on more than one occasion, it took the second-in-command's strong feminine voice to get him to the exit for nothing else could persuade him into leaving if he was on one trail or another. Unfortunately, it was all he could come up with up on such short notice. Secretly he hoped that Neo was already sleeping and that Curse would just drop the matter and head for bed. If Neo was awake... well, he'd make it up to him, Morpheus thought, hiding a smile from the ever-enthusiastic Curse._

Curse meandered along the corridor, moving at an irregular pace. Walking quickly would end her errand, which she had no intention of doing. and walking slowly made the walls loom ever nearer, bending inwards, it seemed. She was terrified of both scenarios. In fact, she purposely missed Neo's door a few times, just to prolong her time. Finally she went up to the door and knocked lightly, trying not to look closely at the walls. 

Curse could hear Neo getting out of bed and moving to the door, which made her feel a little guilty. Perhaps she shouldn't have bothered. At least he wasn't asleep yet.

The door groaned open slowly. Curse took a deep breath.

"Sorry to disturb you, Neo, but Morpheus says-" Curse nearly jumped in the air in that point. Sleepy ice-blue eyes were blinking back at her. 

"Yes?"

" Tri...miss--ma'am, I mean.. Trinity," Curse stammered. "Oh, oh gosh, I'm sorry, I was looking for - for Neo, you know Neo, right? I mean, of course you do..." Trinity raised an eyebrow at her. "I must have the wrong room... gosh, I'm sorry, I'll-"

"You have the right room. Neo's inside," Trinity said pointedly. Her gaze never wavered and Curse felt herself shrink. It was almost as bad as walls. "Sleeping."

Curse genuinely panicked. Panicked. This was not a situation she was particularly prepared for. Trinity and Neo? She could feel her jaw unhinge and her eyes widen to the size of saucers, and she had no control over them whatsoever. "Oh, cripes, I'm sorry," she blurted out, taking a step back. Trinity eyed her coolly. "I'll... I'll just be going now, sorry..." 

Curse could've sworn that Trinity's more responsive alter ego was giving her a very evil grin. "Sleep well," she replied, starting to close the door.

"You too!" Curse wished more than anything that she could just tape her own mouth shut at that moment. "Sleep well, tell Neo to sleep... I mean, wait, he's already asleep... cripes. Uh, sleep well anyway, with Neo- aack! I mean-" Curse's face was swallowed in such a fiery blush that her freckles disappeared entirely. "I mean, I didn't mean-" Trinity fixed her eyes on Curse for a full twenty seconds or so, warily. Curse felt as if she was being dissected alive. Her shirt was clinging to her sweaty skin already. Curse felt her insides squirm when Trinity opened her mouth; she recoiled and braced herself for a reprimand:

Was that a smile? Had second-in-command Trinity actually smiled at her? Maybe not a smile, more of a ghost of a smirk. Nonetheless it was a very important moment for Curse.

Curse stood gaping at the door, startled straight out of her laced combat boots, but the ranking officer had already shut the door. She was glad that she'd shut her mouth by then, because her heart threatened to leap out of it when the door swung open again. Cripes, it was Neo this time, and he looked as if he was sleepwalking. Blearily he squinted at the space above Curse's head, obviously expecting someone a little more at his eye level. "Trinity told me you had a message for me?" he mumbled around a yawn. 

This time Curse thought her knees would give way right there and then. "M-Morphus.. Morpheus says you're going to the store tomorrow. I mean, the core. I mean, the matrix. You're going in to the matrix tomorrow." Curse started. "I mean today! You're going into the matrix today... later, today, that is. You're going later into the Matrix today… later.... in the day… of this day… later," she finished at last, utterly humiliated. She craned her neck upwards to find Neo staring very kindly down at her.

"Get some sleep, kid" was all he said before he quietly closed the door again. She could hear him bumping his way back to his bunk and muffled laughter, probably his. 

And with that, Curse ran all the way to her room (and out of her newfound habit, she missed that too). Without a word she sped under her worn sheets and fell asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. 

For a long time, Curse would still be protective over the night shift, taking it without fail, every night. But that night was her first step to overcoming her claustrophobia. 


	4. Chapter Three

**Chord's Notes: **Got it fixed and formatted and all readable now. I apologize for the cliffhanger, but it gets better... plotwise. Reviews are welcome!  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
Three Shades Of Sky  
**Chapter Three  
  
  
  
  
  
  
* ~ *  
  
  
  
  
Did you sleep well?  
  
A sheepish smile found its way onto Neo's face as he kept his eyes shut. He knew that if her question did not succeed in getting him out of bed, Trinity would soon enough resort to more effective methods.  
  
He waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
After what could have been eternity as far as Neo was concerned, he opened his eyes, mildly confused. There she was seated on their bunk next to him, looking down at his reclined form with eyes as warm as a pale shade of blue could possibly make them.   
  
Hoping to be quick enough to escape attention, Neo threw a curious look down at the floor and sure enough, Trinity already had her boots on. Unless he wrestled them off of her feet, an activity where his chances at emerging as the victor were undoubtedly slim, there was no chance of a bit of leisurely morning greetings before the day's work.  
  
I asked you a question, and as my subordinate, you are charged with the obligation to answer it, came her voice and Neo returned his gaze to hers.  
  
There was a small smirk on her face as she peered at him through the darkness, teasing and filled with early-morning playfulness. Neo cherished moments like these; moments when Trinity appeared carefree in his company, relaxed enough that duties and constant reminders of the ever-present danger they were in did not worry her.  
  
He loved the fact that moments like these occurred only when he was around her.   
  
His smile evolved into a playful grin of its own and Neo reached out with one hand, suspending it in midair without a particular destination. Trinity eyed it suspiciously, and when she was convinced that his advance would go no further, she took hold of his hand in both of hers.  
  
Since when do you play around with the rank you hardly abuse? Neo inquired as he interlaced their fingers. Her smirk did not disappear, for which he was grateful, and a rush of déjà vu filled him momentarily.  
  
Neo knew that smirk.   
  
He remembered it from that night in the club, when desire for contact of the physical sort seeped into his skin and chilled his bones. Warmth was unimaginable then, and everything from the choking smoke to the blaring lights seemed alien, everything but her.  
  
He remembered it from that ride through the streets, on their way to the Oracle, and the amusement he saw in her entire expression matched his own; it was connection, something shared.   
  
He also felt as if he remembered it from somewhere else entirely, a past life he had lived perhaps, a sense of having had seen her lips curl upward in such a way before.  
  
It made sense that he should know this particular quirk of Trinity's so well; it was a part of her, after all, and a part of who she was. Trinity defined familiarity.  
  
I don't play, was her only response. She leaned in closer to him, over him, until her face was but a breath away from his.  
  
Yeah? Why not?  
  
I _win_, and it's too early in the morning to kick your ass, Trinity concluded.   
  
I am the One, Neo protested with a lazy grin, my ass is unkickable.  
  
Really now  
  
There was a certain playful air in her voice now as she leaned over him, show me.  
  
And in a single moment of clarity, Neo realized that he could. He didn't need the Oracle's riddles or Morpheus's words of wisdom for him to show Trinity that he was indeed the One, nor would he need to put on a demonstraton of his combat skills in The Matrix or his supernatural ability to alter codes. The One was so much more to her than simply the last remaining hope of humanity or a prophecy fulfilled, and knowing that was all it took, really.  
  
That thought etched in his mind, Neo reached up to kiss her gently.  
  
As he pulled her down to him, he couldn't help but watch her; she looked as if she was breathing him in, eyes half closed, a small smile dancing around the corners of her mouth. The knowledge that he alone could inspire this change in her was completely overwhelming, in good way, and Neo shut his eyes in surrender. His hand slid up from her hips to her chest slowly, and though he couldn't see her, he didn't need to – their lips brushing gently against the other's, the feel of her heart beating under the palm of his hand, the feel of her warm breath on his skin, was more than enough.   
  
Finally, with a trace of reluctance, Neo gave her one last kiss and pulled away and looked up at her, trying his best not to smirk, have I convinced you yet?  
  
Without another word, Trinity got up from her earlier position and moved off in the direction of the door. Instantly worried, Neo sat up and called out to her, what? What's wro--?  
  
A low chuckle from the other end of the room sounded before he could complete his question but it was the shirt that hit him smack on the face that cut him off.  
  
I'll see you at the mess hall, was all she gave, before the sudden opening and shutting of their room's door signalled her departure. Neo allowed himself a childish pout; turns out, as he was left all alone to struggle with his boots and to pull the shirt on, Trinity had won after all.  
  
  
  
Morpheus, why are you so sure this is going to work? Curse piped up as she resumed her  
favourite pastime of hovering behind him, Neo's mind is going to be in the construct   
  
Do not doubt Neo's mind, came the reply, along with a wry chuckle as Neo started to relax in the chair he used to jack into the Matrix. Neo shook his head and the smile he was wearing vanished abruptly as if he had flicked it off.  
  
I don't know, really. But Morpheus thinks it's worth a shot.  
  
Wordlessly, Trinity bent over him, lips just grazing his skin ending in a soft, reassuring kiss with her mouth to his. Curse swore under her breath at the bad time she had chosen to look in his direction, and colouring slightly, looked away just as quickly. Trinity and Neo. How could she not have noticed before?  
  
Trinity slid the data spike into Neo's head plug in one fluid motion. Curse watched her turn to the monitor beside Neo's chair, checking his vital statistics. Tank swivelled in his chair to look at Morpheus, who maintained a straight expression, eyes set as he spoke the name,   
  
With an impatient sigh, Curse strode over to Neo's monitor beside Trinity, taking care not to meet the other woman's gaze. Tank revived the screens showing the construct ad Neo, standing alone in full Matrix gear, minus the weapons.  
  
We're good, called Curse, letting go of her own dubious thoughts to snap into a more professional mode. She knew as much as the others to trust Morpheus. Shadow, who was currently doing duty in the cockpit, had taught her to read the health monitors, something that a crewmember simply could not do without.  
  
Tank took charge. Okay Neo, we're gonna try it once first, you okay with that?  
  
Neo nodded into the cellphone he held up to his ear, then shut his eyes slowly. In deep concentration, his breathing slowed, hands hanging by his sides with his palms loosely fisted.  
  
What're we looking for? Tank asked. He'd taken off his earpiece so that he wouldn't disturb Neo in the construct.  
  
Twitching, movement, vocals, anything, Morpheus answered and it was evident from his posture that he was having trouble containing his excitement, remember, we're trying to see if he can control his movements in the real world at the same time as he is in the construct  
  
but does Neo's abilities as the One include the construct in its scope? Trinity asked from the side, as she alternated between watching Neo's monitors, his RSI on Tank's screens and his body strapped to the chair.  
  
That's what we're trying to find out.  
  
We could ditch the cellphones, Tank observed. Morpheus nodded in agreement and Curse watched as Tank punched in a few commands: Neo's unit dissolved into white nothingness but he himself seemed to be oblivious to it.  
  
It could be a much easier way of figuring out what happens in the Matrix, the captain murmured thoughtfully.  
  
But why do you think it will work? The Matrix codes may be so much more complex than the construct's but whatever it is making Neo the One surely doesn't apply to our programs— Curse persisted but she shut up the minute she sensed Trinity tense up next to her. Every fibre of the second - in - command's being was focused on Neo. She seemed to have gone as still as he had, in her close scrutiny and vigilant watch.  
  
Neo's breathing remained steady, and he didn't move a muscle as was expected.  
  
On the monitors, his RSI relaxed and he opened his eyes. Shaking his head, shoulders slumping, they watched his expression crumple into one of slight defeat. Tank put his earpiece back on.  
  
Didn't work, came Neo's voice, give me another minute  
  
So they waited as Neo tried four more times. Each time the tension mounted and fell, again and again. Trinity could've sworn he jerked slightly, but it was unlikely. That was when she couldn't help herself – she drew up a stool next to Neo's chair. Her hand found his wrist and she curled her fingers around it, squeezing lightly, willing him to feel her.  
  
At that exact moment, Neo's RSI swore repeatedly, frustrated at his lack of progress. Trinity wished he wouldn't be so hard on himself all the time and she tightened her grip on his wrist; it was then that Curse noticed the Neo on Tank's monitors ease up lightly, as his left hand moved up a bit, forming an awkward position he wasn't even aware of. A fist?  
  
Glancing at Trinity, Curse eyes widened in disbelief; Trinity's hand had moved lower down and now held his.  
  
  
  
Not now, Curse.  
  
—but Morpheus I really think that you should  
  
Curse, surely whatever you have to say can wait.  
  
Not it can't, look, I really think you should take a look at—  
  
And for third time, the rookie's sentence was interrupted by Neo's voice on the speakers that Tank had activated earlier on; Trinity stood up and moved to watch his RSI over the operator's soldier and Curse released a low, irritated growl at the lost chance.  
  
What is it, Neo? Trinity spoke quietly and Tank, after programming another cellphone to replace the one he had deleted a while back, repeated Trinity's question.  
  
I want to try this in the Matrix.  
  
Absolutely not was the instant response from Trinity.  
  
Tank looked to Morpheus for permission, resignation written all over his features, and the captain gave his consent with an equally amused smile hidden behind one hand. Wordlessly, Tank took off the earpiece and handed it to Trinity, who took it without hesitation and put it on.  
  
Tank? Tank, are you there--?  
  
You are not going into the Matrix, Neo, and that is final.  
  
Trinity? Where's Tank? Where's Morpheus, for that matter, can you put him on? I think I can actually make it work if—  
  
—if what, exactly? If you go off and risk yourself for a minor experiment?  
  
Curse fingered her sweater uneasily and cast a quick glance at Morpheus to see what he thought of Trinity's outburst; the man stood calmly and seemed perfectly content to let Trinity handle this one.  
  
We need this, Trinity, if it proves to be successful, think of the advantage we could gain over the machines, think of the possibilities  
  
The only possibility that will come of this, Neo, would be you getting injured and maybe even killed. I won't allow it.   
  
I'm sorry, Trinity but Morpheus?   
  
The captain lay one hand on Tank's shoulder and the operator, after sliding as far away from the seething Trinity as his chair would allow, began to work on the connection. Trinity whipped around and glared defiantly at Morpheus, eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
You could get him killed!  
  
The captain was about to reply when two things occurred within a span of less than a second: a new code that could only be Neo appeared among the downward scroll of green numbers, symbols and digits and just as the faint ringing of a phone signalled Neo's entrance into the Matrix, a much louder clanging of alarm bells filled the entire core.  
  
Shadow's voice erupted from a separate speaker on the bank of computers that was wired to the Neb's cockpit. Morpheus, we've been stationary too long. The sentinels have tracked down our signal. I don't understand, no one went into the Matrix today –  
  
The rest of Shadow's agitated words were lost in the insistent clanging and Morpheus was about to head off when Trinity reached out, grabbed him, and surprisingly forced their captain to turn around. Curse backed away.  
  
_Ring, ring.  
  
_Morpheus, get Neo out. Now. There was no doubt that she was directing a command at their captain, give the order, or I will.  
  
But Tank wasn't waiting for an order. He was already yelling frantically into his earpiece, pick up the phone, Neo, dammit! Pick up the phone!  
  
Morpheus made for the ladder as Trinity stood, torn between going after the captain to keep from using the EMP and shoving Tank out of the chair to take over and get Neo out.  
  
Just give me a few minutes, Tank a few more minutes, I think I might be able to—  
  
Trinity's boots heralded her decision as she moved towards Tank, flicking a sign over her shoulder at Curse, Get Morpheus! Keep him off the Switch until Neo's out and you receive my command.  
  
_Ring, ring.  
  
_Without so much as a nod, Curse disappeared down the ladder and made for the cockpit. In a matter of seconds, the sound of crinkling static filled the core, a sure sign that Curse had switched on the two-way communicators, which would assist Trinity if she found the need to talk ( yell? ) at Morpheus.  
  
_Ring ring.  
  
_Neo. We've got sentinels on our tail. _You don't have an option._Tank swore. Trinity swore. Morpheus didn't make a sound which went rather well with Curse's shallow, rapid, inhaling and exhaling. Shadow, evidently the calmer one of the two new crewmembers, was holding her breath.  
  
_Ring ring.  
  
_Tank, I can see the sentinels coming-**** Curse gasped, somewhere between a breath and a sob.  
  
_Ring ring.  
  
_Neo you can not afford to push this!  
  
Trinity's voice. Neo's eyes snapped open, instantly apologetic, worried, frantic and afraid for her all at once.   
  
_Ring ring.  
  
_The phone. The alarm bells. The communications. Yelling. Swearing. Voices and noise, melting into the other. All too loud.  
  
_Ring ring.  
  
_Neo's RSI picked up the phone.  
  
  
  
And his fingers slipped.   
  
Three hands dive for the glass cover, flipping it open. Skin. Fingers. Palms. The shiny red switch.  
  
_Bright light.  
  
_  
  
Abrupt pause in activities. No more actions. Immobile. Stationary. Disbelief.  
  
Shit. Morpheus don't!  
  
Too late.  
  
  
  
Sobbing. Someone crying.   
  
_Bright light recedes  
  
  
  
_Silence. Total silence.  
  
  
  
* ~ *  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter Four

**Jennifer's notes**: If I wasn't such a bum this would've been up long ago anyhow, June brings my holidays and Chord's school term we'll see how things work out. Chord pointed out that only Jesus' birthday coincides our school terms praise the Lord! Sorry the chapter is short, by the way.   
  
**Chord's notes**: Short works short works, especially since we didn't want to drag this out for longer than it had to be. Please review, tell us what you think! Explanations are coming, and we're doing our best, we promise! Oh, and for clarifications, the first set of italics is a flashback. Many thanks to Blake for pointing out that we needed some transition from the last chapter to the next! It'll make sense in the end, trust us.  
  
**Disclaimer: **We are Matrix fanatics, not the owners themselves. We wish were were, but that's not happening. Argh.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Three Shades of Sky  
**Chapter Four  
  
  
  
~ * ~  
  
  
  
_You almost died, man. Tank's words.   
  
The flatline didn't sound, did it?  
  
Curse just stares at him with an awestruck look, a mixture of fear, gratitude and confusion. Her hands are shaking and her breath comes in rapid, shallow gasps for air; she'd run down from the cockpit in tears, only to find Neo sitting up slowly in his chair.  
  
but the switch, I turned the switch, it was my fault—  
  
—as was mine, if you call it that. I knocked your arm aside and we both hit the EMP at around the same time, Shadow says softly, clapping Curse on the back, do not complain that we were a second too late.  
  
The medic, after giving Neo a quick, standard-duty once-over, disappears from the Core, just as Morpheus appears from the ladder. He spots Neo and looks to be realising a sigh of relief, one that he conceals rather well. You're okay, Neo.  
  
I know it. Neo sounds like he means it, too.  
  
He gets up from the chair and the clunking of his boots fades away as he heads for our cabin. For the first time, I notice the light shuddering of my shoulders, how my mouth has gone completely dry. My fingers are curled into my palm, digging into the pale skin, creating shallow creases.   
  
  
  
He's okay. Tank is the only one left. I hadn't noticed Morpheus leave, he's fine, Trinity. You heard Shadow, they messed up the EMP and it came on a nanosecond late  
  
  
  
Tank smiled. I never thought I'd be glad to have two rookies on the ship who cross each other out.  
  
I guess you're right. I lick my lips. The inside of my mouth is too warm, not really dry but not moist, sticky.  
  
You gonna go to him?  
  
My eyes dart around the room.   
  
  
  
your shift now, isn't it?  
  
  
  
Take a break.  
  
Tank doesn't need telling twice. Okay, and Trinity, relax. Your man's fine.  
  
Tank heads for the mess hall, and I remain standing in front of the bank of monitors, staring disbelievingly at the screens. Scrolling codes of green. The Matrix. The nightmare, the screwed-up stimulation, almost took his life for the second time. Hell if I'm going to act all fine about that.  
  
It's going to be a long war. One that started much too long ago  
  
_~*~  
  
Curse was crying by the time she reached the mess hall, half-heartedly shoving the screeching door shut. She dropped to her knees and disappeared below a table. Muffled sobbing could be heard.  
  
"You know, when people want to cry, they usually opt for the engine room. That gives them a lesser chance of being discovered."  
  
A soft thump was heard, followed by quick scuffling noises and a yelp. Curse's head reappeared from under the table, but the rest of her body remained hidden. She rubbed her head resentfully. Trinity looked down at her from where she'd been standing at the far end of the mess hall, at an angle to the side of the door that Curse couldn't have seen when she'd rushed in. The girl said as much.  
  
"I didn't see you..."  
  
"Don't worry about it. Tears don't make for very good eyesight."   
  
Trinity watched Curse nod and sniffle from under the table. Blue eyes wandered curiously over the red eyes, red nose and red cheeks, before the second-in-command took a seat next to the redhead on the floor. She looked like the top of a traffic light.  
  
"What's bothering you?" said Trinity tentatively after a period of uncomfortable silence. Curse shook her head.  
  
You don't need to do this, you know I'll be okay. Trinity met her with such a level gaze that Curse had to look away, laughing shakily. I don't suppose you get this with too many rookies?  
  
Get what?  
  
Curse wiped her eyes furiously. You know why my name's Curse? Because that's what everyone says I am.  
  
Cross-legged, Trinity ducked her head slightly to avoid bumping it against the table's underside. She turned to study the redhead. No wonder she was having so much trouble. It was all about self-esteem. To put it plainly, Curse had none. Or next to none, anyway.  
  
Curse, you're not a failure-  
  
Curse curled up. So now I'm a failure too.  
  
No, you are not. You're perfectly-  
  
-capable of reaching a higher potential, no, I am _not_. She stopped for a while, choking. You shouldn't have unplugged me. I'm useless.  
  
Trinity sighed. Curse, we unplug people for many more reasons. It's not totally based on merit. It doesn't have everything to do with freeing the mind.  
  
Curse laughed bitterly. That wasn't exactly my first impression. She stopped suddenly, aghast. I don't know what's come over me. I shouldn't have said that   
  
We all have to say what we feel now and then. You don't have to apologise for everything.  
  
Curse laughed a bit, but this time, there was genuine warmth in her smile. You know who you sound like? She didn't wait for a reply. You sound like my mum. She went quiet. I miss her a lot.  
  
Trinity's brow furrowed. I don't mean to be rude, but you were living alone.  
  
She died four years before I ever touched a computer. Curse smiled sadly. Hey Trinity, you miss anything from the matrix?  
  
We're not supposed to talk about- She stopped. She thought for a while. What did she miss? It'd been so long I guess I miss my home I lived there all my life. There was a park with a red slide two blocks down the road then around the corner  
  
There was an ice-cream parlour! Curse exclaimed. My gosh. I lived across the road  
  
I don't suppose it's against the rules to admit that we all miss matrix food. Every now and then you'll see a soldier with pizza.  
  
Curse grinned sheepishly. So you're human after all... that's good to know.  
  
What do you mean? Trinity frowned slightly. Curse laughed nervously.  
  
It's just looking at Neo Trinity relaxed.   
  
Neo is special. Her eyes glowed, and her tone softened considerably. Curse fought the blush rising to her cheeks and the enormous grin threatening to take over her face. Listen, if it helps, I could go through some of your training with you. Fighting alongside Neo is enough to make anyone most of _them_, anyway, feel inferior.  
  
whispered Curse awkwardly, getting up from the floor just as awkwardly, narrowly missing hitting her head on the table again. Her left foot had gone completely numb. About Neo-  
  
  
  
is he Curse struggled for the right word,   
  
  
  
never mind. Smiling, Curse scampered out of the mess hall, leaving Trinity alone to wonder. Critical? Neo?  
  
She had to go see him.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Trinity knocked twice on the door, not as softly as she'd have under different circumstances. She tried calling Neo's name - he was definitely in there - but there was no answer. One hand was all it took to push the door open.  
  
Neo was there, sure enough, sitting on the bunk bed with his back to her. She shut the door.  
  
What was that about?  
  
He looked up, then. What was what about?  
  
Trinity nodded towards the door. What did you do? To Curse. She's crying.  
  
She is? Neo said, rather incredulously. Trinity was fairly sure she didn't like his tone.  
  
"She was. She mentioned your name, and I want to know what that was all about. She folded her arms across her chest. What's going on, Neo? Curse has been acting... strange, around you lately.  
  
Trinity watched his gaze fall to their bunk's mattress. He wouldn't look at her. Come to think of it, ever since that incident with the experiment, the day the sentinels almost the close brush with danger that almost resulted in no. Trinity did not want to think about it. She refused to think about it, preferred to leave it in the past. Everything was fine, after all, Neo got out and everything was back to normal. Or was it.  
  
She watched him shuffle in his seat, waiting for his response. There was no denying it, however. He had changed.  
  
"What do you mean, strange?"  
  
"I want answers, Neo, not questions." Trinity studied the way he tensed up, as if bracing himself against something. "What is it you aren't telling me?"  
  
"What would I hide from you?"  
  
"Nothing." 'What you're hiding from me right now,' didn't sound appropriate to Trinity. Neither did 'I told you I wanted answers, not questions.'  
  
Out of the blue, Neo snapped. Damn it, Trinity, I'm not hiding anything from you!   
  
It wasn't his way to snap, but it was even more uncharacteristic of her to snap back. Trinity settled for raising an eyebrow and waited for him to continue. His shoulders slumped. Look, I just told her to take the jump program. She's too scared of it to get anywhere...  
  
...you told her to take the jump program? You told her to jump? Told- Trinity couldn't help herself, or forced?  
  
Neo sighed. He released a sharp huff of resentment. Honestly, Trinity. And that girl's such a crybaby.  
  
Trinity stared down piercingly at him. Excuse me? she said coldly.  
  
"We didn't," Neo began, and Trinity found it hard to believe the words that followed were coming from him, "have this sort of problem with the others."  
  
"That's something, coming from someone who agreed to have her use the smaller jump program." Trinity held up one hand against Neo's protests. Self-defense? What was going on here? "I don't disapprove, but I just thought you'd like to know that this... this doesn't make sense."  
  
At that point, the only appropriate course of action would have been to walk out of the cabin without another word. Trinity did so, but not without a second, contemplative glance.   
  
_Neo?  
  
  
  
_~*~  
  
  
  
It was dinnertime.  
  
We have tables and chairs too, y'know, grumbled Tank. Shadow swung her legs gaily, left foot locked behind her right ankle. Swallowing, she smirked at Tank.  
  
Too many people onboard my old ship. Not enough space, so I sat on the floor. I am somewhat used to it. She shrugged. Over the past few days, she'd finally started opening up to the rest of the crew, going from monosyllabic to speaking in short sentences. She used the phrase my old ship' about ten times a day. On the upper side, she seemed to be fitting in fairly well, though so far her medical skills had not been put to the test. Considering she was the most easily spared medic of her old ship, this was not entirely comforting.  
  
It's just that your knees happen to be at my eye level, where my bowl should be. Tank mashed a lump in his goo.  
  
The counter is better than the floor. Not as cold.  
  
Curse laughed unexpectedly hard at this point, and the entire table – and counter – turned   
to stare at her. She fiercely bent her head over her bowl again, right elbow nearly knocking Morpheus' bowl clear off the table. Hastily he placed his tin mug next to Shadow on the counter. Directly across him, his second-in-command was silently stirring her food around.  
  
Trinity, you've been awfully quiet, commented Tank. The space between Trinity and himself was pointedly empty.   
  
Frowning slightly, Morpheus enquired, Trinity, where's Neo?  
  
In his cabin. Trinity's expression never wavered.  
  
It was then that the door scraped open, Neo framed in the doorway.  
  
You're late, said Morpheus. Neo shrugged indifferently, walking towards the counter without closing the door. Morpheus started again, Where were you?  
  
Trinity frowned slightly. Morpheus had never questioned the whereabouts of his crew unless he needed them to be in specific locations, believing it to be their own privacy. This was the second time in the same exchange that he had. Not to mention the fact that he had actually doubted what she'd said (or, rather, what she'd made up), which was usually unheard of. Captains trusted their second-in-commands completely; that was how it had to be if the entire crew was to survive the war. She held her breath.  
  
The core.  
  
Sunk.  
  
Morpheus cast a sidelong look at Trinity, one that she and she alone could appropriately read; she didn't like what she saw. What were you doing there?  
  
Neo got himself a bowl and filled it. None of your business.  
  
Silence.  
  
Tentatively, Tank spoke up, Hey, Neo, don'cha think it's the Captain's business when we're dealing with his hunk of metal? He laughed nervously. Trinity gave Morpheus a stare for stare, narrowing her eyes.  
  
Morpheus understood what she was about to do and attempted to head her off, Trinity, I think it would be...  
  
Neo. When the captain asks you a question, you answer it. That goes for _all_ officers of a higher rank. Trinity glared at Neo. Do I make myself clear?  
  
Her eyes followed him around the room, as he deliberately went around the table. Neo set his bowl down so forcefully that his gruel slopped out of the bowl and splattered the table. He ignored it. Trinity ignored it and would not take her gaze off him.  
  
Neo sat down on Curse's left, as far from Trinity as possible. Tank, directly opposite him, raised his eyebrows so high they were in the danger of flying off his forehead but said nothing. Trinity glared at Neo, venom in her gaze. Alright then, she said coolly, answer the captain.  
  
I don't want to. Tank allowed himself a rather low whistle and Curse began to inch down the bench, away from the offending Neo.  
  
Never mind, Trinity, Morpheus cut in quietly. I would rather you use your tongue for eating now rather than sniping. Trinity unenthusiastically lifted her spork again.  
  
A while later, Morpheus turned to Curse. Curse. How is your training coming along?  
  
Curse grinned happily, glad that the tension at the table was easing. Trinity's helping me out, gonna be my sparring partner.   
  
Tank blurted, I thought Neo was in charge of rookies?  
  
He is in charge of me. Shadow calmly folded her arms, having set her empty bowl beside her on the counter. She smiled tightly. I am troublesome.  
  
Trinity looked over at Neo, who hadn't reacted at all to Shadow's statement. Why was Shadow covering up for him? It was all too clear that Neo most certainly was not helping Shadow, and Shadow didn't even need assistance – it wasn't like she'd been unplugged yesterday. As a matter of fact, according to the skimpy facts they had wheedled out of her, it was apparent that she'd been free for quite a few years, maybe even longer than Trinity.  
  
How is the jump program? Curse went rigid. It was obviously still a sore spot.  
  
muttered Tank, still can't get the thing?  
  
Curse is afraid of heights, Trinity pronounced clearly.  
  
said Morpheus. Curse looked down at her dinner, wondering if the food was just an excuse to discuss all the day's nasty happenings.  
  
Tank grinned, listen, it's okay.  
  
Tank gets nervous jumping over cracks in the floor, put in Trinity.   
  
Tank laughed loudly. Yeah, that's right, I do.  
  
Actually, I think Curse jumps like shit. Everyone jumped. They'd almost forgotten Neo was there, but he was. He looked uninterested, bored, sitting there playing with his spork.   
  
Even Morpheus looked up. What do you mean by that?  
  
No wait, I take that back. I think _shit_ can jump better than that.  
  
Trinity's spork missed her untouched meal and skittered across the table as she stood up. You will stop this.  
  
Neo bristled. Stop what, exactly?  
  
Stop this. You, ragging on Curse. You're being far too hard on her, when she's trying as hard as she can-  
  
In that case, her hard as she can' is pitiful. I shudder to think what her best' would be like. Oh, andMiss Second-In-Command, just a thought, sneered Neo. but you could do without pulling rank on everyone, just because-  
  
Just because I happen to be the ranking officer, and that ought to say enough for everyone. Rank isn't merely a title to pull over your sorry ass whenever I feel like it, because Neo, sorry to disappoint you, but I don't _do _immature. I am an experienced fighter, a disciplined soldier, and you _will _listen to what I have to say _without _cutting it off, because your survival in the middle of this goddamned war might depend on it.  
  
"Who the hell do you think you are? I'm the One. You can't _fight_ this goddamned war without me.   
  
The only sound to be heard after that was that of a spork dropping to the floor.  
  
  
  
~ * ~  



	6. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer:** Once again OUR FIC LOOKS LIKE A COPY OF OTHERS' WORK, BUT THE PLOT WAS WHOLLY DECIDED BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF THIS YEAR. The ideas were original at the time. We own Shadow, Curse and Impasse. Neo and Trinity belong to each other.   
  
**Jennifer's notes:** There is no spoon! There is no fork! There is no school! Ugh, it was worth a try. Sorry for the delay; it's been a month of holidays' and term's starting again anyhow expect more waiting. This chapter was the genius and, I'm guessing, insomniac by-product of Chord, by the way. ^^ 1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety upon Him because He cares for you.  
  
**Chord's notes:** Well, it's done now. Finally. Sorry this took so long. Enjoy! (hopefully.)  
  
**  
  
**~ * ~  
  
**Three Shades of Sky  
**Chapter Five  
  
~ * ~  
  
  
  
Trinity was rudely awakened by Tank prodding her back in a most undignified way. Trinity, it's Tank, he whispered. She made to turn away from him but a dull yet unbearable sort of ache shot up the back of her neck, keeping her from doing so. She settled for remaining still, trying to exude the aura of dismissal through as few actions as possible.  
  
Tank tried again. Trinity, Morpheus wants you.   
  
The captain would have to be nocturnal to be up at this insane hour, and Trinity knew for a fact that he wasn't on duty.   
  
Trinity, squiddies are coming.   
  
Trinity kicked him from under the table. Things like that were not supposed to be taken lightly.   
  
Tank squawked. Hey, c'mon, Trinity. I thought you'd appreciate a friend tellin' you to get off the dining table and off into your nice warm bed, mm?   
  
No response.  
  
What's wrong with your room, anyhow? He paused. Ooh, I know, Neo kicked you out of bed.  
  
Trinity lifted her head off her arms and gave Tank such a stare that he shut up at once. Sighing, she tried to let the irritation ebb away. There was no use being mad at Tank. I'm tired, that's all. We have a mission tomorrow, and  
  
We? Who's we? Last I checked you were the only remaining jack in this tin can who could operate reliably.  
  
Trinity snorted in self-deprecation as was expected, and Tank grinned. It was good to see some of the old Trinity still in there somewhere. Tomorrow's Oracle day.  
  
Aw man, Oracle day. He slapped his thigh. Damn, Oracle day's fun. Wonder what Morpheus'll say about the Oracle now... what was it the last time? Curse sat there for a whole hour while Morpheus went on and on about philosophical, prophetic whatssits  
  
It was five minutes, at the most, and Morpheus isn't going.  
  
"Let me get this straight," Tank deadpanned. "You're gonna go into the matrix." Trinity nodded. "You're taking Shadow and Curse to see the Oracle." Nod. "Curse is half-trained and probably won't be able to do anything should you come under attack. You've got no more than a _medic_ to back you up and a greenhorn to look out for." Nod. "You're leaving Morpheus on the ship."  
  
Trinity eyed him coolly. "I don't see why you're so worried"  
  
She was cut off by an amusing combination of splutters and half-choked words, ...oh! Oh, so you can't _tell _why I'm worrie—you can't... you tell  
  
We have Neo, Tank.  
  
"No, no you don't. You have Neo's evil twin," the operator corrected. "He's been completely... you're - you're..." Tank faltered at the hard expression on Trinity's face, "-you've been avoiding him," he finished lamely.  
  
After a moment's pause, Trinity replied, "That doesn't make much of a difference." Tank noted the difference between _any difference_ and _much of a difference_.   
  
He figured it would be more practical to sound annoyed at Neo's tendency to slack lately than act concerned. Trinity always had hated when people fell over themselves looking after her and so far, the only man she'd ever willingly permitted to worry openly about her well-being well. He spoke in what he hoped was half a whine, for good measure.  
  
Trinity, sooner or later Curse or somebody will catch you here on night shift. Captain Morpheus won't be happy to hear of this and you know what it's like when he's got steam coming out of his ears. He emphasized the captain's name. It was useful, mentioning things like that occasionally, especially to people like Trinity who respected authority like it was next to absolute.   
  
He paused. I reckon his old crew burnt all his hair off.  
  
Trinity tried to smile at him, but it came out looking more strained and wry than anything else.  
  
Move in one of the extra cabins or something, if you'd rather stretch out. I mean, we have a lot to spare.  
  
Trinity was swift to catch the bitterness of his tone. This was a subject that she – nor anyone else – should cause Tank grief over. Hell if she should let her own stubborn nature get in the way. She got up wordlessly.  
  
Tank snickered. There, that wasn't so hard.  
  
~*~  
  
_There was a time when dreams for me were so real, so much more real than the world as I knew it. And then I met Morpheus, and that rule stood on its head. He showed me reality. The dreams faded.  
  
I've got my feet planted firmly in reality now, but even the best of us waver; there are times when the bliss of ignorance dances appealingly round the corner of your eyes. I'd never give in, never even consider the possibility that the weak-minded bastard chanced on in what seemed like so long ago, and yet somehow, it seems like these days I'm being perpetually roused from one. Like now.  
  
Surprisingly enough, by a dream as well.  
  
Namely, Neo.   
  
Damn, I haven't seen him this close in what feels like forever. Or felt him this close. I keep my eyes closed, for good measure, let him think I'm asleep. He never could tell, anyway. For a moment I'm inclined to believe he's still spooned next to me, that this is our bed. But he isn't, and this no. Don't think like that, Trinity.  
  
  
  
I open my eyes, slowly, feigning sleepiness. He smiles faintly. His adorable face, all innocence, is on. I want to reach out for him. Now.  
  
Breath.  
  
Breathe. Exhale.  
  
So, you're back? I wonder if he can tell my question goes in two separate directions, at the same time. Breathe, exhale.  
  
  
  
Breath catches. A rush.   
  
Neo, I  
  
He laughs this off, before I can continue, before I can finish. It isn't a happy laugh, more of something he's kept back, some fit of hysteria bursting out after hours of restraint. I want my shirt back, Trinity. He gestures. You've been wearing it for days.  
  
I take it off and hand it to him unflinchingly. Unblinkingly. Not bothering to turn to the wall or anything. He laughs again, same tone, same manner see you for breakfast, and leaves. Just like that. My head hits the pillow. I want nothing more than to fall asleep again. Any dream will do.  
  
Yes, just a dream.  
  
_~*~  
  
Is this really necessary?  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Trinity could see Curse stare openly and disbelievingly at Neo, who had his arms crossed across his chest. A pout teased the corners of his lips downward, and Trinity might have found the expression endearing, if the attitude that went with it wasn't getting on her nerves the way it was.  
  
Badly.  
  
What kind of a question is that, Neo? asked Morpheus, but he was facing the Matrix monitors and had his back to the crew. Trinity would have given up a bowl of dinner slop to see the expression on his face.  
  
A pointless one. Shadow was good at filling in quiet spaces.   
  
Curse piped up, does the Oracle bake cookies every time a resistance fighter comes to visit?  
  
The cookies aren't real. Shadow was good at being cynical, as well. Trinity let it slide as Curse's shoulders slumped, dejectedly; someone had to keep them grounded in reality, and it might as well be the moody medic.  
  
The alliteration made Trinity smile, slightly. She'd long since left poetry behind, so many years ago, and the thought that she could still recall the different types of figures of speech was a light sort of amusing. She needed that.  
  
Is everything clear? she asked, directing the question at a particularly sour-faced Neo.  
  
Trinity was growing tired of his sarcasm.  
  
Do you need any clarifications on the mission?  
  
Didn't I just say everything was crystal clear', Trinity?  
  
Sometimes repetitions are necessary, just as double-checking everything is a precautionary, standard procedure.  
  
Sometimes people are just too redundant.  
  
It's for the safety of everyone, Neo.  
  
It's a trip to the Oracle, Trinity. How safe do you need to be? Or are you scared I won't protect you? Neo sneered before walking briskly to his chair, sliding down into it and shutting his eyes. Shutting her out.   
  
Trinity sighed and realized that she could no longer count, with the fingers on both hands, how many times he'd been doing that lately.  
  
~*~  
  
So. We're going to see the Oracle? That was Curse. Not as adept as Shadow when it came to mending awkward situations, but then again perhaps Curse attacked things from the wrong side. She tried starting conversations, when Shadow had proved ending them before things got worse was most effective.  
  
Curse was still very much the rookie of the crew; amusingly innocent about some things (the Oracle's cookies, for example) and annoyingly ignorant about others (how Trinity preferred thick silence to skimpy, strained verbal exchanges). She was very much like Neo had been.  
  
Unsettled, Trinity answered in a clipped voice, Not us. You.  
  
An audible gulp was heard, and the rustle of cloth sliding down leather seat covers could be heard as Curse shrank down in her seat. What does she do? I I couldn't catch what Morpheus was trying to explain to me  
  
Not surprising, that one. Trinity frowned at Neo's reflection on the side mirror. Somehow, the face on the glass did not seem like the man she knew so well. Or thought she knew, anyway.  
  
The Oracle tells you things. Shadow was at the wheel, and from the distracted tone to her voice, Trinity could tell the medic's primary focus was the road.   
  
I don't quite get that either, sorry  
  
Shah, that's alright. The things she tells you are usually- Shadow made a sharp turn, so hard that Curse nearly fell out of her seat, -as vague as I'm being right now. She glanced at Curse in the rear view mirror, who was hastily sweeping her ruby bangs out of her face. Always wear your seatbelt.  
  
Curse said faintly. Apparently, Shadow could be as blunt as she was vague. She fumbled with the seatbelt as if it were quite foreign to her. Neo sighed impatiently from the passenger seat. Trinity's eyes seemed to be boring a hole through the back of his chair.  
  
It was rush hour in the City this afternoon, and the going was slow as taxi cabs and private vehicles clogged up the main street, honking their horns at one another and defying stoplights. They drove in silence, that is, until Neo did something. Something that caused Curse to tilt her head to one side, confused, and even Shadow's eyebrows were raised as she shot Trinity a meaningful look through the rear view mirror.   
  
Neo had been fiddling with the old fashioned window-winders of the Lincoln, and had successfully opened the window on his side, letting in a gust of cold, autumn air. Curse shivered then stopped; she must have just remembered that it wasn't real.  
  
Why did you do that? asked Trinity. Shadow's gaze left the rear view mirror and returned to the road. Curse stared at her lap, blushing crimson. How many times would Trinity have to confront Neo in a day? How many times would missions like these end up tense and awkward, just because he just wouldn't – strange, this word – behave?  
  
It's warm in here, came the reply, as if Neo had done nothing more than comment on the room temperature. Sunshine came flooding in through the gap in the car, and if light could filter through, then those outside would be able to see them. Clearly.  
  
Before Trinity could tell Neo just that, in what would have been a snappish tone, a light gust of air whispered. Shadow had her thumb on a knob, and had just cranked up the air-conditioning to the max. Curse glanced up then glanced back down and didn't say a word, but pulled the sleeves of her jacket down to cover her fingers, which looked as if they were shivering along with her shoulders.   
  
Roll up the windows. They're tinted for a reason, Trinity said, forcing her voice to remain calm. All windows were promptly moved, but in the wrong direction, and Curse let out a surprised half-yelp, half-choke, as a puff of smoke from the cigarette of a passer-by seeped in.  
  
Trinity frowned at Shadow, who had one hand on the wheel while the other flipped switches frantically. She kept it up for at least two minutes and although Trinity kept her eyes on the medic, Neo's smug grin didn't escape her notice. He was hunched up in his seat, arms crossed defiantly across his chest, smirking at a group of people lined up before a bus stop. Finally, Shadow gave up, it's no use. He's interfering.  
  
Curse cringed. Shadow frowned. Trinity pulled out her cellphone and had dialled the first three numbers to contact Morpheus, when Neo made a small, irritating huff of victory. The windows came rolling up, and they drove on.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Trinity felt a lump forming in her throat as she surveyed the scene before her. The Oracle's house. The other potentials were engaged in their usual activities, but today, someone had set a small music box on the floor, a simple hoary box propped open. A glittering silvery melody lulled, like bells, like wind chimes; wrapping itself around the room, somehow very tangible and very far away.  
  
It relaxes the children, the Oracle's priestess smiled knowingly before bustling away again.  
  
She could smell a warm, rich baking kind of smell – it was clear what the Oracle was doing, as always. Always. Just like twelve years ago; when she'd first come.  
  
Trinity glanced at Neo. Somehow she didn't want to think about that now.  
  
Curse had a faint smile playing across her lips as she gazed at the children. Her hands hung loosely by her sides, and it looked as if she were itching to wrap her clumsy fingers around one of the wooden blocks. She probably would have looked a lot less out of place with them than with Trinity.   
  
The Oracle's priestess emerged again. Trinity never could quite undertand what she did. Indeed, she never even seemed to see the Oracle, or make a sound. Curse, the Oracle will see you now.  
  
Virtually trembling, Curse slowly got to her feet from where she had been squatting next to a pile of abandoned silver spoons on the floor. One of them was bent, and another, the one closest to it, shined brighter than the rest, glinting mysteriously as if it held a secret just underneath its deceiving sheen. Trinity frowned. They hadn't been there when she had come. That was the only thing that had changed, really. She was willing to bet that the Oracle didn't look a day older.  
  
Shadow, who had been standing there quietly all along, gripped Curse quite suddenly around the bicep and steered her along. Her eyes were quite round.  
  
Curse disappeared from the room at about the same time as Trinity turned around and found Neo to be missing. She definitely hadn't heard him go, but then if he could force car windows to roll down, he could probably coat his boots in furry Scooby-Doo bedroom slippers and they wouldn't make a sound on the floor's polished tiles. She gritted her teeth. Better not go looking for him; if Curse came out and couldn't find her she'd probably have a heart attack. Trinity settled down in one of the chairs by the door. She could wait.  
  
_Neo, if you go one damn step beyond the car  
  
_~*~  
  
Curse felt her heart beating so hard she was almost afraid that it would leap out of her chest. Drawing breath was suddenly like breathing under water. Had Shadow not been gripping her so tightly, she probably would have dropped there and then.  
  
What was an oracle? Some tall, robed entity, like her priestess? What exactly did she say? What would she do to her? How-  
  
They stopped at a kitchen.  
  
A voice drifted from inside, smooth and somehow soothing. Been a long time, hasn't it Shadow? followed by a low murmur of assent. Then the first voice --an old, grandmotherly woman from the sound of it – laughed richly and Curse found herself face to face with Shadow, who had just exited the kitchen. The medic looked different, somehow. Happier. Reassured.  
  
Curse took a deep breath and nodded meekly when Shadow beckoned at her to go on ahead. She followed behind silently.  
  
It must have been the ambience. A warm, baking kind of smell filled the entire room, though the over was not on, mingling with a faint trace of stronger, harsher smoke. Curse's insides flipped once over as she exchanged wary glances with the older woman leaning nonchalantly on the kitchen counter, a pot of honey sitting on the tiles behind her. _Winnie the Pooh, _thought Curse, and the butterflies ceased their assault on her stomach. The quivering stopped. The Oracle smiled.  
  
Hello, Shadow.  
  
Shadow coughed, suddenly and quite pathetically, hiding her mouth behind her hand.   
  
And now I'm supposed to say, hmm, let's see what you're here for-  
  
-but you already know. Shadow started to grin. Curse watched somewhat anxiously. Were the two in cahoots?  
  
Oh, Shadow. You haven't changed, not one bit English a bit better since I last saw you, but still the same, still the same. The oracle reached for a plain brown paper lunch bag on the table behind her. Shadow pouted.  
  
You are just going to give it to me?  
  
The oracle chuckled. Too easy, huh. But I've got things to do with this little one here. Curse had frozen like a statue. You go on, oh, take the back way, Trinity's out in the front and my, she's in a temper. I gave you some extra. That's for you to keep Neo busy.  
  
Why is he-  
  
  
  
Shadow went. Still smiling, she disappeared out the door and turned the opposite direction, taking the bag with her. The oracle sighed, turning in her seat to face Curse.  
  
So. Curse, is it?  
  
There was a pause. That's me, she said slightly louder, thinking the oracle had not heard. Another pause. Curse was about to say something again, before she realized the oracle was trying to get a look at her. She appeared to be checking around her eyes.  
  
Finally she answered, I am sorry. It's so rude of me to keep you standing there but you don't feel like sitting anyhow, do you. Before she could say anything, the oracle continued. how's it like to be on the same ship as Neo? Good place to start. She laughed, lighting a cigarette.   
  
scary, Curse mumbled, fidgeting. She did not like cigarettes.  
  
The oracle placed her lighter back on the table. Now why is that?  
  
he's the One, after all. He's awfully good at what he does. I mean, he fights like a mach- really well. And Tank told me he can fly.   
  
I know what you're thinking. Tank was serious. Curse's eyes widened. She hadn't told anyone that, least of all Trinity, and Neo simply hadn't been in a questionable mood lately.   
  
I tried he tried to lead me on the jump simulation Trinity and Morpheus had to too. But they didn't match up to him, not at all.  
  
So his abilities make him the One? Leaving that question unanswered, she continued. Has anyone ever told you about the other Ones?  
  
What other ones? I I think I remember what Morpheus said, about Neo not being the first One is that what you mean?  
  
I mean the others Morpheus freed. People mistaken to be the One but weren't. That's my definition, mind. Of course, after Neo was found  
  
I- I've never heard of that.  
  
Name Cypher sound familiar? The oracle raised an eyebrow, scanning her   
expression.  
  
She'd definitely heard it before, whispered somewhere or other. Nothing completely familiar though.  
  
Oh, that was a hard one they don't talk about him. Let's see what about Trinity?  
  
  
  
The oracle's cigarette had gone out. She lit another one. Well, never mind that, we're not here to discuss this sort of thing... You could ask Morpheus for a history lesson, or, oh yes, ask Tank but now that you're here, you're wondering what your prophecy will be, arencha.  
  
Curse shuffled her feet. Well... yeah...  
  
Now, about all those prophecy fulfillers. Some are told they will help them, some are told they will find them. Some are even told – well, special things. Curse looked at her with the question written all over her face, but the Oracle shook her head. A clear reply of You'll see.' But you She shook her head. Kiddo, you're different. I've never had to give out this prophecy before.  
  
_I'm not special, or different what about all those simulations? How will the real thing go?  
  
_I hear you're having trouble with your training.  
  
Curse wanted to groan. Was there something the oracle didn't know? She was having her head read like a book. Fear of tight spaces and fear of heights. She expected a simple reply of I know.'  
  
Oh, I'm not so sure, kid.  
  
you've _seen_ me, Curse burst out. I can't I can't do anything!  
  
the Oracle spoke firmly, is the quality of mind that makes us forget how afraid we are. The room was absolutely still, the dim humming of the kitchen appliances was almost inaudible. Curse was struck by how the older woman's – woman's? – presence seemed to command the entire atmosphere. Bravery is fear sneering at itself.  
  
Maxwell Bodenham, Curse said automatically.  
  
Curse blushed.  
  
I mean, Maxwell Bodenham said that. My old mum, she used to write these little messages on cards she made me go memorize them  
  
  
  
It's not done me any- much good, Curse answered meekly.  
  
No surprises there. Curse, has Morpheus ever mentioned knowing the path? It's the same with words. Useless! The Oracle chuckled lightly. That is, until you put these words into practise.  
  
Is that what Morpheus understood?  
  
No, hon', that's what Trinity learned. Yes, I know you know all about Trinity, we're getting to that now. The Oracle clicked her lighter again, a delicate flare igniting the end of another cigarette. Curse suddenly realized that she'd never smelled any smoke in the room. It's time for your prophecy. You remember those potential prophecy fulfillers we were talking about just now?  
  
Curse realized she was holding her breath.   
  
Thickly, the Oracle replied, You're gonna kill one.  
  
Curse started. Wha- but- _Trinity_?  
  
How many of them are left? the Oracle asked darkly. Cypher, he's dead  
  
  
  
Ghost, Niobe, Trinity, Neo oh, there are a few more  
  
a _few_ more? Curse's tone was unusually high. I-I'm not going to- to   
  
Just one, hon'.  
  
Curse almost looked relieved.  
  
D-Do I know the person I'm going to  
  
the Oracle sighed, you're a good kid, really you are. I'm telling you, your role might not be critical in the whole picture, but you'll make a very special difference to some people.  
  
But what if they're all _dead_! wailed Curse. I'm sorry, Miss Oracle, you've got the wrong person, I can't I can't She trailed off, evidently waiting for the Oracle to cut her off. The room was silent. Curse's fingers twisted the material of the navy jacket she was wearing. Her throat burned.  
  
Finally the Oracle spoke again. Remember, Curse, a man, or girl, of courage is also full of faith. And faith is one of those things in life that you can hold on to.  
  
Curse felt as if she'd suddenly swallowed a whole ladle of vegetable soup, or her mum's old chicken soup, or just better. she whispered. Cicero said that. The oracle nodded.   
  
You take care now. And remember, you're not alone.  
  
Numbly, Curse got up from her chair. She concentrated on placing one foot in front of another without wobbling, though her legs felt like they were going to give way beneath her. She barely noticed that only Trinity was there in the hall.  
  
Trinity's eyes deliberately strayed from hers. Neo's gone down. Oracle done with you? Nod. Vague prophesy or life changing?  
  
Curse tried to speak, but her voice came out as a squeak.  
  
Trinity blinked a few times in quick succession, and suddenly looked straight at her. You're kind of pale. Are you feeling alright?  
  
_You're not alone.  
  
That's what Trinity learned.  
  
You're gonna kill one of them.  
  
_  
  
_Trinity.  
  
_For the second time that day, Curse felt her throat tightening. She nodded her head quickly, keeping her face to the ground as she followed Trinity down. She was afraid that if she looked anyone in the eye ever again, she would start to cry and never stop.  
  
They went back at the car in silence. Curse and Trinity sat in their original places. To Trinity's relief, Neo was too, dully drumming his fingers on the dashboard. Shadow was holding the paper bag from the oracle, and apparently chewing something. She offered the bag to Neo with the air of having done it many times before, and Neo declined. She passed the bag to Trinity, who passed it to Curse. She opened it dubiously.  
  
Inside rested about half a dozen cookies, each the size of her palm.  
  
She took one, glancing at Shadow suspiciously.   
  
Cookie? No one makes them like the oracle. She smiled.  
  
So what was all that about, then, back there?  
  
Shadow snickered. In our day- She looked over at Trinity, who was apparently resistant to the rather delicious charm of the cookies, Curse had to admit- it was a big thing, to steal cookies from the oracle.  
  
How times have changed, remarked Neo dryly. Trinity's mouth tightened.  
  
They drove.  
  
~*~  
  
It wasn't supposed to end this way. Tank had promised her that Oracle Days were not particularly dangerous missions. Normally safe trips, most of time even fun—Curse released a frightened yelp as another ear-splitting crack broke a few feet behind them. To her right, she heard Shadow swear under her breath, and a few meters ahead, Trinity and Neo kept right on running. Most Oracle Days were fun. Just her luck that she got stuck on the day that didn't belong under most'. Curse through and through, right on the money.  
  
Are you holding up okay? Just around the corner, kid, almost there panted Shadow, as she slowed her run to match Curse's pace. Curse wanted to scream at her to go, go and get moving, obviously Trinity and Neo weren't sticking around, but her lungs could barely suck in enough oxygen to keep her alive as it was. Telling Shadow off for her strangely comforting, newly-acquired motherly complex was completely out of the question.  
  
okay so far one block gorgeous she choked out. Shadow's almost sighed; it was impossible to tell if Curse was being sarcastic, or just outright hopelessly optimistic.  
  
That was Trinity. Her command rang clear, bouncing off the concrete walls that closed in on them from both sides of the alley. Pigeons cooed from the laundry lines overhead. _There are no noisy pigeons_, Curse groaned inwardly, _there are only pigeons that coo noisily. Argh.  
  
_Neo had disappeared around the corner, followed promptly by Trinity. The sound of someone loading a magazine haunted Curse's ears and she winced, fists clenched. _Nopleasenopleasenoplease, _her vision began to cloud over, _Lord, oh no, pleaseLord, notnownotyetnopleaseno _Another gun shot. Curse screamed and stumbled, courtesy of a hand pushing her roughly onwards.  
  
Go, and don't _run_, _fly_! Don't care about me, just move your ass, and faster than you are now! Coarse accent, distinctly Russian. Curse didn't know if she was crying because of the ache from Shadow's shove, or because Shadow had spun around, dropped to one knee, taken aim and was now shooting furiously at the pursuing agents.  
  
Agents. More than one.   
  
Curse rounded the corner, and heard a swift scuffle of boots, signifying that Shadow had resumed flight as well. The sight before her brought her feet to a screeching halt.  
  
Trinity and Neo stood two feet in front of her, guns out and pointed at a grim looking agent in a smart, crisp business suit. Highly polished leather shoes. Rectangular shades. Relatively unarmed, perhaps deadlier that way. A body of Matrix code and programmed hostility blocking them from the exit, a dusty phone booth tucked inconspicuously in between a dustbin and the backdoor to a bar.   
  
Ring. Ring. Ring. Nobody could answer the phone's insistent ringing.   
  
This was bad. An agent in between them and escape. Then Curse did a double-take and realized that it was more than bad; it was wrong. Trinity stood in between the agent and Neo.  
  
Trinity! No, get out of there, get out of range! Curse leapt forward but somebody grasped her shoulder and tugged her back. Shadow. Curse felt like crying all over again. Maddening medic, couldn't she see they were all in danger?  
  
The agent smirked, not reaching his eyes or any other part of him. Mister Anderson. Trinity rapidly drew her gun, aiming at his temple. The agent met Trinity's impenetrable dark lenses, not entirely unlike his own. And you, he continued, trying to save him?  
  
No need, Neo acknowledged, stepping swiftly out from behind Trinity. Curse cheered silently. Maybe Neo was going to blow the agent to frickin' pieces' as Tank had once said he-  
  
Quick as a flash, Neo strode to the phone booth.  
  
He was gone.  
  
~*~  
  
The world stopped. Curse's heartbeat swelled to fill her head, pulsating like a jackhammer until she thought her skull might burst. Her lungs seemed to have caved in.  
  
The agent seemed completely unaffected. Trinity gritted her teeth. _Goddamned machines_. Not taking her eyes off from him, she shouted, Get _out_, I'll- Shadow cut her off with something between a wordless bleat and a babble. She shoved Curse forward.  
  
Trinity started to fire. Bullets stitched the air, but the clip emptied until she was dry firing, and the agent was still there. Unarmed. Smirking.  
  
Clutching a stitch at her side (_it isn't real_) Curse was propelled to the phone staggering could barely breathe feet were lead getting heavier by the minute no breath left in her body something's ringing Shadow's shouting shrilling ringing alliteration and rhyme and phone box and four walls walls walls walls and there's something in her hand _there's something in my head_-  
  
_Swaggering. Drunk? Never a drink in my life, not one beer, not one shot, not one lemon Lemons. Sour and tangy and fresh. Yellow. Like the sun, shining. Through clouds, in clear skies. Sunshine in streams and beams of bright light, yellow, sometimes, others, orange. Orange. Carrots are. Carrot cake, with tiny white rabbit frosting, sweet. Follow the white rabbit, Curse, to get to the bridge, to the car, to the building, to the phone, to the sewers, to the ship in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the middle of reality that doesn't feel real at all Orange, the color of her first sweater, pale and patched and morethansecond-hand. Lent by Tank. Orange. Her hair color, when it grows back, or was it red? Red, can't remember, like cherries, or the EMP switch, a scary switch, flipping on or off and meaning life or death, and ohsoredlikeherhair red like the apple, theapplefed to Snow White, childhood fairytale, SnowWhite had skin as white as as snow and lips as red. Red redasblood blood  
  
_The data spike was snatched from the back of her head sharply, far too sharply it. The shock of it all threw her forward and out of her seat. She hit the ground and scraped her palms against something rough. Releasing the scream she could not bite back, she felt heat rise to her face. _I must be the only idiot alive who has it in me to blush in a crisis such as this—  
  
_Two strong hands grasped her arms and gently but firmly helped her to her feet. Shadow's?  
  
Curse. Curse you're hurt, you're—blushing? A male voice. Tank's. Gorgeous.  
  
she mumbled, her voice hitching in her throat partly from exhaustion, partly from humiliation, it's nothing there was metal my handsnot so big a deal nothing special the Oracle, she told me  
  
Tank, ignoring her protests, pressed a scrunched up blanket hard against Curse's ribcage as she let out another cry, muffled by the palm she'd pressed to her lips. The left side of her shirt was soaked in blood, where a bullet had grazed her skin.   
  
~*~  
  
The minute the kid got out, Shadow ducked into the booth and slammed the receiver back into place. Glancing around, an empty magazine at her feet and the fingers of her right hand still bunched around her gun's trigger, Shadow paled.   
  
Somewhere amidst the confusion of practically driving Curse to the exit while trying to maintain at least a feet's worth of distance in between themselves and the Agent, Shadow had forgotten to check on Trinity. She felt like hitting herself with a wrench, or something equally hard, heavy, and frighteningly solid. Surely dysfunctional medics deserved the same treatment dished out to stubborn mess hall thermostats.  
  
When stupid machines don't do their job, everybody's dinner suffers. When stupid medics don't do their job, somebody's life is at stake.  
  
This time, the unlucky victim of Shadow's mishap was Trinity.  
  
The woman had kept up a considerable defence with what must have been her spare bullet casing, distracting the agent enough to allow for Shadow to sneak Curse past and out. Apparently, in the few seconds it had taken Shadow to press the detachable phone to the nauseated kid's ear, Trinity had run out of shot, taken to using the knife she always kept tucked away in her right boot, had somehow managed to keep herself alive during an arm-to-arm combat with an unarmed agent –Shadow gawked at the sight what looked to be the latter's gun, on the floor a few inches to the left of the dustbin. Trinity must have kicked it clear out of his grip, a feat that went beyond impressive. She now sported a bruise on her left cheek for her troubles, not to mention she seemed to Shadow to be limping slightly.  
  
With all the strength she could muster, Shadow heaved and chucked her gun right at the Agent. Missed. He had Trinity up against the wall, a hand to her neck while both of hers gripped a wrist that technically wasn't even there.   
  
  
  
_That wasn't me, _and Shadow whirled around. Morpheus. Oh captain, my captain.  
  
Morpheus, what the—  
  
Exit, Shadow. Now. A direct order. Only Trinity had the guts to defy one of those, when she was in the mood for it. Trinity, who was getting beaten up by the agent. Badly. Framed against brick and stone and dust. Eyes blazing. Gasping for breath— no. Never gasping. Breathing, hard, but it's there.  
  
_Fight, Trinity_._ I know you can._ And with that, Shadow reluctantly made for the phone booth. Exit.   
  
~ * ~   
  
Bang.   
  
Left arm, limp under a crisply ironed business suit. Oh, good shot, Morpheus—get OFF Tank, I'm FINE! Trinity's in there getting clobbered, leave my wound BE and let me WATCH THE MONITORS—  
  
Bang.   
  
Shit. Shit, sir. Sir, how can you be such an _idiot_, an Agent won't get taken out by a gun, get closer, shitshitshit she's bleeding now, more than one agent, a bullet to her leg, CURSE YOU'RE BLEEDING I NEED TO FIX THAT, Shadow, get OVER here and FIX THIS, you're the medic, I'm the operator—  
  
Bang.   
  
Tank. Shut up. Curse. Sit back. Sit BACK. Good. Hold this up to your side, good. Press, press HARD, you're not pressing and breathe, count to ten one two four six seven nine good, again, I'm going back in to get those two fools out of there before—  
  
Bang.  
  
Goodness! Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease  
  
Bang.  
  
There's two of them! Sir you're an idiot, a fu- idiot, sir, she took a BULLET to her LEFT LEG and she's supposed to RUN, limping, shit this is not good, Morpheus, sir, get OUT OF THERE—  
  
Bang.  
  
I don't believe this. Go. Run.  
  
Bang.  
  
Hurry, Morpheus! Hurryhurryhurryup, oh please please oh please, hurry  
  
Bang.  
  
You can make it, sir! Go, sir! Go! Ah, shit, ahshitahshitahshitashit, SHIT! No!  
  
Bang.  
  
Keep her head up, Morpheus. Keep her awake. She can't pass out, fool woman, stay awake. No, DON'T try to stop the bleeding like that. Go. GO. Curse, PRESS–   
  
Bang.  
  
Isaiah Isaiah, somewhere Isaiah s-said, don't be afraid for I am with you do not be dismayed for I am your God I will strengthen you I will help you I will uphold you with my victorious right hand–   
  
Bang.  
  
HE'S GOT HER NOW HE HAS TO HANG ON TO HER, Morpheus, you–  
  
Bang.   
  
Curse, try to calm down. Tank, CALM DOWN, you're not HELPI NG. Curse, the bleeding is stopping slightly, let me see your hands–   
  
Bang.  
  
Four more steps, come on, Trinity come on, you can do it oh, please hurry three more steps, that's it, that's it, oh hurry, please please  
  
Bang.  
  
Shit. You're an idiot, sir, a _fucking_ idiot—A BRILLIANT IDIOT!  
  
Bang.   
  
Yes.  
  
Bang.  
  
Well, it took them long enough.   
  
Curse hovered next to the monitors with a rag clasped firmly to her side, looking as if part of her wanted to scream; whether from happiness or from frustration or from pain nobody was to find out. Shadow remained quiet, lips pursed, her entire being tense, as she gently grasped Trinity's shoulder and lower back and helped her out of her chair the minute Tank unplugged her. Without a backward glance, the badly limping woman was led out of the Core to get her wounds treated, with one arm around the operator, and another around the medic for support. Her eyes were closed but her expression was not.   
  
They had gone barely four steps before Trinity started leaning her whole weight on Tank. A thin thread of blood trailed from her mouth. She only whimpered, faintly, when Tank tried to gently carry her and found an enormous blossom of blood across her chest. Crimson on his hands, grey on the worn fabric that Shadow was quickly rolling up to check for the source of the blood and actually shuddering at what she found there. Deeming that she was strong enough to survive the journey to the med bay, Shadow and Tank somehow found a compromise between the earlier two positions and began walking again. Solemnity written all over his face, Tank shifted his hand for just a moment to wipe the blood from her lips.  
  
Morpheus sat up after Curse moved over to unplug him, grimly staring after his second-in-command. Curse made a move to examine his left wrist, which was hanging rather limply, but he waved her off with his good hand. Rubbing the back of his neck, he eyed the man who stood before him, feathers unruffled, cool as a cucumber, obviously undisturbed by the series of events that had just taken place.  
  
One question, Neo. Why?  
  
Shrug.   
  
  
~ * ~   



End file.
